


Make me better

by Vitavili



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, Dorks in Love, Drama & Romance, Love Confessions, M/M, it will take some time but they will be happy, mature stuff will happen, not hiding anything, sexy time on point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitavili/pseuds/Vitavili
Summary: Four couples. Four different stories. Eight broken hearts. And one purpose. They all made mistakes and thought that it's impossible to find the way back. That they might have to live with this pain forever.Eight friends. Support, drama, and Love... might save them all or make it worse.Is it better to leave everything behind without the fight?The easy way out or a hard one?All of them are already university students, with their troubles, stubbornness and characters. Cries, love, and fighting for each other. Normal student life with a lot of drama. Stories that will make you regret reading this. A pain and happiness that no one asked for.





	1. Bokuto x Akaashi #1

“Akaashi… don’t.”

“There is nothing more to say, Bokuto-san. So… let go.”

  
“Don’t do this… Please.”

“It’s enough… we broke up. That’s it. Just get over that.”

“I love you… Keiji.”

“Don’t.”

With this word, Akaashi pressed the end button. The silence on the other side of the phone has never been so painful before. He knew he will regret this all his life, but then he thought that it’s the best thing he could do. Let go… before it’s too late before any of them is hurt. Reason? Funny… and embarrassing at the same time. Bokuto started university in Tokyo and Akaashi was still in high school. Actually, just one basic thing changed. Bokuto started playing volleyball in university team and Akaashi became captain of Fukurodani team. But there is no point to search the reason of this talk here… They were couple almost for two years so something like didn’t make much difference even if they couldn’t see each other so often as they were used to. Akaashi was clam, he knew that there is no one else Bokuto would be thinking about except him. With an empty face but with happiness inside him, Akaashi was listening to Bokuto’s cries every evening… how nobody understands him in the new team, how it’s hard to be awesome and how no one listens to him. Usual problems… without them, Akaashi’s life would be easier, but empty at the same time.

So then why? Now when he thinks about… it’s funny, but then… then everything was different. It was the first time in his life when Akaashi decided to do something… to make his life easier. Even if from the start he knew that this will be a huge mistake. One day, when training ended earlier Akaashi decided to take a look at Bokuto’s training at University. But when he came practice was already over. He saw Bokuto talking with a girl. Maybe a manager or some random classmate. Who knows? It’s not like he was touching her or doing something that could make Akaashi sad. But the way they talked… it was somehow… normal? Maybe. She laughed at something that Bokuto said after that he raised a hand to mess his hair even more and smiled. Akaashi knew this blushed face too well. It’s strange to see Bokuto embarrassed about something, At the same time… Akaashi felt like watching some romantic drama and at first that made him laugh. Soon after this scene Bokuto noticed him and left the girl alone like she wasn’t there. “Akaaaaashiiiii!!!” he screamed like always like they haven’t seen each other for a few weeks. “You came to pick me? Right? Right?”

  
But since that moment something was not right…. No, not with Bokuto. He was like always, to be honest, he didn’t even notice that something became different. But with Akaashi. He caught himself thinking things. For example, what would happen if Bokuto started dating a girl? He couldn’t stop thinking about that time when Bokuto smiled and blushed…. Natural. That was so natural. And they… both... they had to hide from the world. There was nothing natural. What if one-day Bokuto decides that he likes girls? What if…. Those thoughts started killing Akaashi like some sort of illness. He couldn’t share them with Bokuto, because that would have sounded so not like him… but on the other side… little by little this anxiety started destroying positive feelings around them.

“Akaashi… is everything alright?”

It was rare for Bokuto to say this kind of words. They were lying in Akaashi’s bed just after making love. His parents were out until late evening so there was no risk that someone might see them.

“My parents may come back soon,” Akaashi answered, telling the biggest lie he has told to Bokuto so far. He just wanted him to go, because if not… he might have shown emotions. He didn’t want Bokuto to see his real feelings.

“Oh. Okay. Then I am going to take shower first.” Bokuto jumped out of the bed.

Akaashi waited for him to come back at the same time trying to control emotions on his face. Why suddenly he feels like it’s definitely must be the last time? Because if Bokuto noticed… it might get even worse and then… then someone might end up hurt really badly. When Bokuto was already putting on his shoes next to the door, Akaashi hugged himself around the waist. Hurry… damn it. Hurry.

“See you tomorrow!” Bokuto smiled widely and suddenly Akaashi grabbed his face. This is what he wants to remember. This face. Only this one. They were looking at each other for a few seconds more and then Bokuto touched Akaashi’s hands. “Keiji… you know… I love you.”

Akaashi couldn’t help himself just stare at Bokuto totally in shock. No…. no. No. Bokuto blushed like a child and laughed then left after giving a quick smirk. Leaving Akaashi in dead silence only with an echo of the last words.

  
Akaashi took a deep breath and then broke air into the shards with cries. From the bottom of his heart. He never expected to hear this. No. It’s already too late. And it needs to be stopped before he can tell the answer to Bokuto.

What kind of reason was that? Bokuto you fell in love with the wrong person.

It’s been already 2 years after that call. But Akaashi can still hear Bokuto’s last words… not just those words, but the sadness inside them, the pain and the… regret. That was the end. Painful, but fast. He didn’t hear from Bokuto anything since then. Akaashi left volleyball team and after graduating school became a regular student. Major in Biology. Who could have thought?

“Akaashi, what’s up?”

Coincidences don’t happen by accident, right? How else could someone explain this? Akaashi was just after chemistry class when he saw Iwaizumi going towards him. Iwaizumi was studying in Art Department, Photography… different major… different interests. They had just one thing in common.

“Iwaizumi. Hey… are you done with classes?”

“Yaaap. Going to meet with Tsukki and Suga now. Are you in?”

“Bar? Again?” After Iwa smiled, Akaashi just rolled his eyes. Why not.  
Sugawara, Tsukishima, Akaashi, and Iwaizumi…. Friends? Why? How is that even possible? They were complete strangers back in high school, they only played volleyball with each other few times. Now… neither of them is playing anymore. Only one thing in common. One.

They all broke up with their boyfriends. How this kind of thing made them friends? That’s another story. Bokuto and Akaashi, Iwaizumi and Oikawa, Tsukishima and Kuroo, Sugawara and Daichi… two years ago these couples had their stories and now… there is nothing left. Just this strange friendship, which was impossible at first, but neither of them would be here without each other.

“Akaashi! We called you thousand times! Already thought that you won’t come!” Suga waved from the other side of the bar for Akaashi and Iwaizumi who just came in.

“Iwa invited me, so there was no need to call you back.” Akaashi sat down at the table in front Tsukki.

“That’s mean…” Suga silently laughed. “Beer? Today everything is on Tsukishima.”

“Hahaha… again best in your department?” Akaashi looked at Tsukki who just killed Suga with his gaze.

“That’s something worth celebrating, but tomorrow I have to go to the Botanic garden to do some research so I am out.” Akaashi answer looking around the bar, it was full of people. Nothing surprising it's Friday after all. “Why this bar though, we never go here.” Their usual place was a little bit calmer, where at least you can hear what a person is saying in front of you. Iwaizumi laughed and then Akaashi understood that his reason is not serious enough.

That’s how they ended up drinking together. Akaashi stopped thinking about this after his second beer.

“So basically she is head over heels for you, Tsukki?” Iwaizumi laughed when Tsukki ended a story about some girl who confessed him earlier today. Tsukishima becomes talkative when he is drunk.

“I mean… who cares? He is gay anyway.” Akaashi laughed pressing his beer harder.

“Yes, right… scream that everyone could hear you.” Tsukki rolled his eyes, while Suga next to him tried to pretend that he is not smiling.

“Gay Gay Gay! Like someone in the world cares!”

“Alright… that’s enough for you, Akaashi… give that beer to me.”

“Iwa-chan… oh, stop it. You are the one who made me drink in the first place.”

“But it seems that a little bit more and you will start crying for Bokuto.”  
This one name made everyone around this table to shut up, but Iwaizumi didn’t let his eyes down.

“What that supposed to mean...?” Akaashi silently asked, feeling like he is going to vomit soon. Oh god… he must be kidding.

“I am… sorry. It just… slipped…” Iwaizumi didn’t think that Akaashi will turn pale. Actually, it was just an impulse, he would never say this name in his right mind. Because he knew the exact pain that Akaashi was feeling.

“Never mind…” Akaashi stood up.

“Hey, don’t go. Iwa didn’t mean to.” Suga tried to stop him.

“Get lost, I am just going to the toilet.” Akaashi went through the table, Tsukki was fast enough to take his wallet so now Akaashi definitely won’t go anywhere.

Well, now he didn’t have another choice. There were so many people that there was a line even to the boy's bathroom.

“Akaashi-san???” Someone’s surprised voice behind made Akaashi regret that he didn’t decide to go home on foot. He slowly turned around. The boy with bright hair… he was taller than Akashi remember, but his eyes were the same. Full of pure happiness.

“Hinata Shouyou…?” Akaashi opened mouth and looked around like there might be volleyball net somewhere next to them. This kid… must be in the first year of university by now.

“Yeees!! You remembered me!! What a surprise, Akaashi-san! I have never seen you here! Come to our table!” before Akaashi said anything Hinata was already dragging him somewhere. “I am here with Kageyama and some others friends. Heeeeey everyone! Look what I have found? Remember Akaashi-san from Furukodani??”

Akaashi looked at those faces he hardly remembered, not mention the fact that he was drunk, but then his eyes stopped. Damn it.

“Hello! Akaashi, how have you been doing? Are you still playing volleyball?” When Daichi spoke with that wide smile first thought that came to Akaashi’s mind was that he wants to punch him in the face as hard, as he can. Probably at least that he would lose all his teeth.

“No… I don’t. Sorry, I need to go. It was nice to meet you, Hinata…” Akaashi quickly turned around and walked away, he didn’t even glance at Hinata who was already sitting next to Kageyama. Are they together? Never mind. He needs to take away Suga as soon as possible.

“Suga, let’s go. Now.” He grabbed man’s hand and started dragging him towards the exit.

“A…ka…ashi?? Waaaaait! My jacket! Where are we going? Why?” Suga was so surprised that he could just follow.

“I am saving your ass… hurry.” They walked outside, Tsukki and Iwa were behind them.

“Hm… what happened?” Tsukki asked. Akaashi turned to the right into the narrow street then stopped.

“I just saw… the old team from Karasuno high school. They noticed me, so it’s better if we leave.”

Tsukishima quickly moved forward away from the main street, but Suga froze. Not just that, his body started to tremble, his face slowly became white like paper.

“Either he starts vomiting or he will faint.” Tsukishima looked at him and stood like he would be ready to catch Suga any moment.

“It’s okay… he didn’t see you. We can just go to another bar.” Akaashi took Suga’s jacket from Iwaizumi and covered his shoulders. “Iwa… you know this area the best, let’s just go somewhere else.

“Damn it. What are they doing here? Why now…” Iwaizumi started mumbling. “We need to go back to the main street, we could just grab some beer and go to my place…. Oh… Shit.”

Shit was a good word for this situation. Daichi. He was here, right in front of him. It wasn’t hard to follow them since the bar wasn’t that far away. He probably ran out because he wanted to catch up with Akaashi, but what he saw was more than Daichi expected. Suga stepped back.

“Koushi…?” Daichi’s voice cracked. He wasn’t ready to meet Sugawara here, even if he was searching him for so long.

“Stay away from him, Daichi…. san.” Nobody was expecting that Tsukishima is going to interrupt, but Sugawara’s eyes were already full of tears.

“I… didn’t know… that you will be here… can we speak…?” Daichi was looking through everyone else, he could only see Suga there. All trembling holding on his jacket, with tears already following down his cheeks. “Please… Koushi…”

Sugawara’s wound was still opened and bleeding, it was just too hard. Probably more painful than for anyone here, from all of them he was the one they wanted to protect the most. The only one who did nothing wrong… the one who didn’t deserve any pain. Suga slowly shook his head.

“Just go away, Daichi. You did already enough and you had your chance, leave him alone.” Iwaizumi was the one who blocked the view for Daichi.

“It’s not your business, Iwaizumi-san. I just need to talk with Koushi.” Daichi stepped forward, now Tsukishima was the one to interrupt.

“He doesn’t want to talk with you. And he is not in a condition to talk… Daichi…san. Just go.” Tsukki was holding wallet in his hand like he was ready to use it as some weapon.

“It’s my wallet… damn it.” Akaashi sighed.

Like Daichi had other option, three against one wasn’t really fair. Last time he tried to search for Suga with his eyes and then walked away. All boys sighed at the same time. Damn it, it was close.

“Suga… he is gone…” Akaashi was the one next to Suga all time, now he tried to touch him, but Suga covered his face with palms and started sobbing.

“Let’s better call taxi… I will make sure that he will go back home.” Tsukki took his phone.

Once Akaashi’s wallet was in his pocket and Tsukishima with trembling Suga in the car, both Iwaizumi and Akaashi felt better.

“It wasn’t the best option to come here,” Akaashi said when they started going away from this place.

“But how we could know that they will be here… and that shithead… how he dares to talk with Suga like that, after what he has done??? Damn it.”

“There is always two sides of the story.”

“Damn Akaashi are you defending him?! Did you forget on whose side you are?”

“I am not defending anyone… just saying… that we never heard Daichi’s story.”

“There is nothing to know… he cheated on Suga, that’s it.”

Akaashi pressed his lips harder. If they are searching on who put the blame. Then it’s only his fault that he and Bokuto broke up. So is he also a bad guy here? For a second he tried to imagine Bokuto crying like Suga just cried. Somehow it was easier than he thought it will be.

“I need more beer.” Akaashi stopped when he saw another bar.

“Are you sure?... Didn’t you say you need to be in the Botanic garden tomorrow morning?”

“Who are you and what have you done to Iwaizumi? Let’s go. One more beer won’t hurt."

One more beer. One more. And more. Then the pain got real. Today is the day…. Exactly two years have passed since he heard Bokuto’s voice last time. Iwa was talking something about his pain. Akaashi was sure that he heard Oikawa's name one or two times, maybe more. It’s been a long time he got drunk like that. And because of what? Because… of him. Does Iwaizumi feel the same about Oikawa how Akaashi feels about Bokuto? Oikawa was the one who left Iwaizumi… and Akaashi was the one who left Bokuto… now when he thinks… from four of them, he was the only one who broke someone’s heart, even if at the same time he also broke himself into pieces. One more beer. And one more. Why pain gets just stronger? Iwa was gone somewhere… Akaashi also didn’t want to be here anymore.

Damn it, he is so drunk…. So damn it drunk. He just remembered how he asked someone to call a taxi for him. And someone was laughing because he couldn’t even say his address properly. What a shame. How he got into a car… how he went back home and how he opened the door… he had no idea.

In the morning Akaashi woke up from the call. A headache was so strong, that for a few seconds Akaashi wasn’t sure how to open his eyes. The signal was close, so he started searching for the source still pressing face to the pillow.

“H… hel… hell…oo?” Oh god, it feels like shit in his mouth. It’s hard to breathe because it’s so dry.

“Akaashi are you alright? Are you home?” Iwa’s voice was a so lost, that for a second Akaashi was not sure who is he talking to. Damn it… this pain.

“Of course I am home… where else…” with these words, he covered himself more into the sheets. Mmmm… warm. “Why you ask? Don’t tell me you didn’t wake up at home?”

“That’s the case… I didn’t…”

“Iwa… you whore… so who is he?” Akaashi silently laughed, but second after that started regretting. Damn this pain. It feels like someone was trying to cut his head in two parts.

“Akaashi… douchebag. I woke up in hospital… someone found me passed out in the middle of the street. Where the hell were you? But anyway… it’s not the case…”

“What…? God. Like I remember where I was, I don’t even remember how I got back home. Are you okay? Should I come or something? But I am not sure that I can move…”

“Listen. Oikawa is working in this hospital. Maybe he is medical resident or something… I don’t know. I saw him walking into my ward looking like a doctor! Of course, I pretended that I am sleeping… now I ran away to the hallway and called you…”

“Maybe you… were hallucinating?”

“Are you treating me as an idiot! Dumbass….”

“Okay… okay… pretend that you are dead… I will come… and then…”

“Damn it. Never mind I will call Tsukishima then.” Iwaizumi hang up before Akaashi finished his sentence. Oh well. Why is that guy making such fuss because of something like this? He woke up in the hospital, not in Oikawa's bed… damn it. And shouldn't he be happy? Iwa was searching Oikawa for almost three years. Akaashi was feeling too tired to think about this right now. Later…

He rolled on his back and finally opened his eyes. It was too bright. He didn’t close curtains… of course, he didn’t. Wait. Oh right… he doesn’t have curtains, because it’s always dark in his room even without them. Then… he looked to the right…. Why there is so much space in his bed. Because….  
It’s not his bed.

Akaashi woke up so quickly like someone would have kicked his ass from behind. He sat on the bed and looked around in panic. Calm down… calm down. It’s not his room!! There were too many things on the floor… it was too spacious, too bright… Oh god… he is just with the underwear!! Where are his clothes? Calm down, calm down… Akaashi. Think think think. What happened. Where is he! Just a second ago he was laughing from Iwaizumi, but now he is here… somewhere… Whose bed is it? Akaashi's heart was beating like crazy in the chest, this big rush of adrenaline made him forget about the hangover. He just wanted to get out from this place as soon as he can, but he couldn’t see any of his clothes near. Just now he thought about calling to Iwaizumi, but that would be really funny. Disgusting…. He will never drink again. Akaashi looked down again, searching for any kind of clothes he could wear. He will return them later… there were t-shirts and shorts…

“Good morning.” This voice from the sweetest nightmare, from his worse memories, this voice which was still stuck in his head, the voice he could never forget no matter what, the voice he loved the most and the voice he didn’t deserve to hear. He raised head and saw a stunning man, standing next to the door, painfully beautiful man, so much more gorgeous that he remembered. “Akaashi.”

“Bokuto…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Kuroo x Tsukishima #1


	2. Kuroo x Tsukishima #1

When Tsukishima opened the door to his small apartment it was already late or early, depends on how you look. It took some time to get Suga back home, he was trembling and crying all the way, so Tuskki just wanted to make sure that Suga will be safe. He waited until Suga fell asleep and then decided to go on foot to his apartment because literally, he didn’t have any cash for a taxi. So here we have almost 3 a.m. in the morning, Tsukki was feeling a little bit too dead for calling Iwaizumi or Akaashi and asking how they got back home. Sure they will be fine.

“Hey… yeah, I am back… sorry for coming late. Are you hungry, Kuro?”

Tsukki took off his shoes and looked at small black little kitten at another side of the hallway, it was staring at his owner with an almost angry gaze. With those sparkling dark eyes. The kitten was so small that Tsukki could carry it in his palm, but with that attitude of his sometimes “little monster” would be a better name.

Tsukki came closer and leaned forward to take Kuro and it used the chance to let it's little nails and teeth into Tsukki’s palm.

“Sorry sorry…” Tsukishima sighed and entered his bedroom holding hand with kitten next to his chest. He kissed Kuro’s small, but soft ear and sat down on his bed. Is there any point going to sleep? He promised that this weakened he will go back home to visit his mother and the train leaves early in the morning, so he has just a few hours of sleep anyway. After all that walking Tsukki felt almost sober, maybe that’s why he started thinking of things that happened today. Suga is so sensitive towards Daichi, maybe he still loves him too much… Tsukki can’t lie, sometimes (well maybe not just sometimes) he thinks what would happen if he met Kuroo somewhere in the streets. Let’s be honest, there is a possibility. This evening made him think what would happen if he heard Kuroo’s voice again, would he start crying like Suga did? Probably not. Would it hurt? Or maybe he would be able to pretend like Akaashi does? What would Kuroo say? Or maybe he doesn’t even remember him anymore? Damn it, it’s Suga’s fault… usually, Tsukki doesn’t let himself to think about this stuff.

Maybe he is not sober after all. This crossed Tsukki’s mind when he was already holding the phone next to his ear. It’s funny... Like he would pick up 3 a.m. in the morning… maybe his number is not the same… why exactly Tsukki remembers his number… he couldn’t explain. He needs to hang up.

“Hello…?”

Tsukishima flinched when at the last second he heard that deep and a little bit sleepy voice. Kitten in his hand bit a finger little bit harder, when Tsukki accidentally squeezed it. This voice…

“Heeey?... Who is this?”

Tsukki was between two feelings, one of them was a huge pain which stabbed him right into the heart. Because he remembers…. He remembers this voice so well. He remembers better than he wanted to. He was dumb thinking that it might hurt… it wasn’t just some random pain… it’s like a poisonous flame, burning everything inside. Damn you… damn every one of you.

“Kei…?”

Oh... How??? Tsukki suddenly dropped his phone on the ground and covered face with palm. How he dares to call his name like that. How. He doesn’t have any right… any right.

 

* * *

 

“I will go to take a quick shower? Want to join?” Kuro smiled when they entered his apartment, Tsukki shook his head.

“Your shower is too cramped…”

Kuroo laughed before entering the bathroom. Tsukki came all the way to Tokyo just for a few days. The fact that he will miss two days of practice wasn’t very good, but they had rare chance to see each other. In this case… Kuroo was more important. Tsukishima put his bag, next to the bed and sat on it. It’s nice to be here… everything was full of Kuroo's smell. It would be so uncool if Tsukki starts to scream from happiness, but he really wanted to. Tsukishima wanted to jump on Kuroo already in the station when he came to pick him, but….

He smiled widely and fell on the bed, turning on his stomach and pressed face to the pillow. This place where Kuroo always sleeps. He has around five minutes for this fangirling over Kuroo. Tsukki squeezed the pillow harder and then he felt that there is something under it. With what kind of Teddy Bear Kuroo is sleeping? He took it out and at the same second, he threw that thing from disgust. Bra. There was a women’s bra. Obviously not Kuroo’s size, so he couldn’t have any kind of strange fetish. Then what this thing is doing here. Whose is it?

“I am done!”

Tsukki heard the voice behind and he quickly hid that thing under the bed, then turned around lying on his back.

“Oh… my… I would give so much to find this kind of view every day.”

Kuroo smiled, he was just with a towel on his tights. “I just need to wait a few more years for this… mmmm”

Kuroo was coming closer and closer until he placed one knee on the bed and leaned on Tsukki.

Tskishima’s heart was pounding like never. First time in his life so painfully. He was still in such shock that he couldn’t say anything. With almost trembling finger’s he touched Kuroo’s face. Who is she? With who are you sleeping? Does she have long hair… Tsukki remembered well that before they started dating Kuroo liked girls with long hair.

“Hey… Kei… I waited so long for you…”

Did you?... Really?

With his whisper and with these words Kuroo softly kissed Tsukki’s cheek. They never had sex before… Kuroo was just too into gentleman role about this. Saying that he can live without that, at least until Tsukishima turns eighteen. He said that sex is not a priority for him. Then… is she a college student? Is she…? Whose covers are you sleeping under…?

Kuroo’s eyes were black… deep black color… that gaze was strong, but at the same so soft. But is it real? At who else are you looking like that? Tsukishima’s lips trembled. Don’t look at me with those eyes…. Don’t look…. Because he can’t say no to Kuroo. He can’t.

They started kissing and Kuroo took off Tuskki’s glasses, then placed hands on his face. Tsukki’s lips were still trembling like this would the first time they are kissing. Or maybe it is… maybe he doesn’t know this man after all. Because that Kuroo he knew would never…. Would never betray him…

With those kisses, he started going down Tsukki’s chin and neck. When he took off Tsukishima's shirt and started leaving his taste all over the body, Tsukki covered his eyes with one hand. Kuroo’s wet hair was tickling... Tsukki used to love holding on them. But now he doesn’t know what his heart is feeling… he missed Kuroo so much, he wants to feel those touches so much… but it hurts… it hurts so badly.

“Tsukki… you are hard…”

“Shut… up….”

“Adorable.” Kuroo silently laughed. Of course, he thought that Tsukki said this just from embarrassment. And it wasn’t a lie, but it was a different type of embarrassment. Tsukishima just couldn’t believe that his body is reacting this way… even the pain in the heart couldn’t hide the desire for Kuroo. He loves him. He loves him so much.

“Let’s just stay here today… it’s already evening anyway…. Let’s just stay here and I will love you… Kei… don’t hide your face…. Kei….”

No… don’t call that name… don’t call it with that voice.

“Kei… Kei….” Kuroo started kissing his neck again and tried to move Tsukishima’s hand. “Hey… what’s got into you? Kei?”

Tsukki just felt how something hot is running down his face.

“What… what happened? Kei?” This time Kuroo moved Tuskki’s hand even if he needed to use a little bit of force, Tsukki quickly turned his eyes away. How to stop that shit… it just going down his face more… and more… and more… Tsukki’s heart was trembling so painfully.

“Kei…? Kei… Kei…?”

Stop it!! Damn it.

“I JUST LIKE YOU SO MUCH. DAMN IT. I… LOVE YOU…. I love… love…”

Tsukishima couldn’t hold it anymore, he screamed out loud because this pain was so damn annoying and it wouldn’t leave… it was just getting stronger with every Kuroo’s touch. Who else are you touching with this perfect hands of yours? Bastard…

“Hahahaha… I know. But you don’t need to cry because of that… I love you too, Kei.”

Kuroo hugged him strongly, Tsukishima pressed his face to Kuroo’s chest. Damn this smell… it’s his favorite… but now… now what? If he loves… then why? Since when? For how long you say these words not just to one person?

He made Tsukki lift his face and then started kissing him again, this time harder, deeper. Tsukishima just felt that… no matter how much it hurts he just can’t run right now. He is incapable of leaving Kuroo, just not now when his heartbeat is going through… just not now when this dream is so close.

Half of the night Tuskki was in Kuroo’s arms. His arms were everywhere, touching those places which probably no one is going to touch again. This was like painfully aching pleasure. From one side Tsukki was melting from every move… from the other side… he was screaming inside because he knew it’s the biggest mistake. But it wasn’t a choice… he couldn't control this feeling and desire to touch Kuroo for the last time. His strong abs and back, to kiss the tips of his fingers… to let fingers into his soft hair and hide face in Kuroo’s neck silently repeating his name.

Another half of the night Tsukishima was holding Kuroo in his arms like a baby when he fell asleep. It’s hard to wake him up because Kuroo always sleeps like a stone. Literally, it’s even hard to move him away.

“Kuroo-san…” Tsukishima leaned forward, but he didn’t answer. That was a sign to move. He is so weak… he fell for Kuroo’s charms… but how can you order a heart what to do? So childish… Tsukki slowly moved from the bed. His head was hurting from crying… and he could feel that eyes are swollen, even glasses didn’t help much. It was a little bit past 5 a.m. he should reach the station in time to make it to the first train.

For the last time, before leaving Tsukki turned around to see Kuroo’s face. It was calm… beautiful and almost happy? Maybe Tsukishima is doing a favor for him? Because sooner or later Kuroo would have left him for that girl… and now… he won’t because Tsukki will just go away. Easy, right? Everyone wins. Everyone… knows their place. At least Tsukishima does. He is not needed anymore. Somehow in his heart, he knew that this might happen… Kuroo was popular and he wasn’t gay, to begin with… strange that this lasted for almost a year. It’s not Kuroo’s fault… No one… is responsible. Tsukishima just wished he wouldn’t have founded out that this way… he wished that it would have ended sooner. Before he fell in love… but now it’s too late. He will have to live with this pain. At least for one of them, it will hurt less.

Kuroo called him when Tsukki was already in the train, on his way back.

“Hey, where are you so early in the morning? Where is your stuff?”

“I… had to go back… sorry… I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Oh… is it because of practice?”

“Maybe…”

“Kei…? Is everything okay?”

“Yes…”

“Are you lying to me…? Kei…? Did something happened?”

“Nothing important… but something I was always expecting…”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s nothing….”

“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay. Just don’t lie… at least call me when you are back.”

“Mhm…. Goodbye.”

“Talk to you later… Kei.”

Tsukki ended the call. And pressed his lips into a narrow line. He can’t start crying here again. He will never cry because of him. Ever. But that's so lame. He is so lame… Lame… he didn’t even have the courage to say the real reason why he left. Lame.

But life decided to help for Tsukishima. The same day, when he came back mother told him that they have a chance to move out from this place to another city because of her work. She just didn’t want to rush things, because Tsukki liked going to Karasuno and she knew how that team was important for him. But… that time this kind of chance was everything that he needed the most. He agreed to move out, changed his phone number and had to change school. Only Yamaguchi knew where, but even he didn’t know the real reason why. The only thing he took from the past was… a little black kitten named Kuro. It was a Christmas present from a person who Tsukki tried to leave in the past. But… it wasn’t kittens fault that everything turned out this way… or maybe… somewhere deep down he still loved Kuroo to much to let go absolutely everything. It’s like… this kitten will remind him of everything that happened. Maybe…. he will never repeat the same mistake.

His family saw that something happened, especially when Tsukki told them, that he won't be playing volleyball anymore. But he wasn’t a type of person who speaks much, so even brother wasn't able to find out the real reason. He just told them that he decided to become serious about his future and volleyball is not serious enough…. It’s hard to say what hurt more... to come back home and look at those dark kitten’s eyes or pass through the gym and hear how others are playing. But instead of that Tsukishima locked himself in the library and prepared to enter the best University in Tokyo. Studying didn’t always help, but still, it was better than slowly killing himself with overthinking.

From Yamaguchi, he found out that Kuroo came to Karasuno searching for him, but at least his best friend was real enough not to tell anyone anything. Soon everything was over. That’s it. Like nothing happened. Or at least he wished that for. Tsukki finished school with best grades and entered the University he wanted. He found a small apartment, maybe a little bit further from the center, but the price was good and the owner let him bring Kuro. Soon after that, he met Sugawara in the same university, just to found out that his heart was also broken into pieces, then Akaashi and Iwaizumi… were already good friends with Suga. And somehow they took him in with care and lame jokes, silently standing for each other all the time because the pain which they felt was just too relatable. Something happened… something that made Tsukki almost smile again. Just almost. Because there will always be that gap and fear to make the same mistake again.

* * *

 

  
Tsukki opened his eyes and turned his head… oh no. He fell asleep. He could hear how Kuro is doing something in the kitchen… probably turning everything upside down. The phone was silently ringing on the floor. It’s not alarm… someone was calling.

“Iwaizumi?” Tsukki answer just after making sure that number is not unknown. But Iwaizumi never calls him… he always calls to Akaashi first.

“Yes... Listen, I won’t talk much right now. Could you come to the hospital for me? Like… as soon as possible. I will send you the address. Please.”

“What? Did something happen? Is Akaashi alright?”

“Yeah yeah… he is sleeping at home. I am alone. Everything is alright…. Or not. Damn it, I wouldn’t ask… but it’s important.”

“Alright alright… I am waiting for your message.”

Oh… it seems that last night didn’t end just like that. He will need to stop to take out some cash. Anyway, he missed the morning train so now there is no point going back to visit mother. Let’s hope she won’t be too mad.

“Sorry, Kuro I am leaving you again. Here your breakfast. Please, don’t destroy the apartment until I am back.” He took Kuro into his hand from the shelf and put it next to the food.

“And don’t look at me like that. I also don’t eat fancy food.”

Tsukki took a metro because traffic was huge so there was no point calling a taxi. How long did he sleep? Maybe three or four hours, his head was so heavy. This night was really strange.

Iwaizumi was spamming nonstop, asking when Tsukki will be in the hospital. He really needs to chill. Finally, Tsukki reached the place and went to the registration desk.

“Hello… my friend was brought here this night. Can you please tell me the ward’s number?”

“Good morning. Tell me your friend's name, please?”

“Iwaizumi Hajime…”

“It’s ward number 233.”

“Thank you.”

“Next time take better care of your friend.”

“Sure….”

What the hell have you done Iwaizumi…?

Tsukki went to the second floor and when he opened the ward door, Iwaizumi was standing next to the window.

“Finally! Damn it, where were you? My wallet got stolen, I can’t even pay for the hospital. Good thing that I had my passport in another pocket.

“Good morning to you too. Do I look like walking bank or what?”

“Well damn, thank you, friend.” Iwa came closer. He was constantly looking at the door like waiting for someone. “Actually they still want me to stay for a bit more, but I can’t… can you please talk with a doctor…”

“What? So I am a mother now? Damn, Iwaizumi…. Can you just tell me what the hell is going on? And if the doctor doesn’t want to let you go, shouldn’t you be lying in the bed?”

“Hahaha, it’s strange to hear you swearing… eh… I saw Oikawa… here…”

“What?? Where??”

“I don’t know… I think he works here… damn it, I don’t know what to do. I am not ready for this shit.”

“You were searching for him and now you are not ready? Go and kill him.”

“Tsukishima… fuck… help me. It’s not that simple… I am not even sure that he remembers me.”

“What shit are you talking… you don’t even sound like yourself. Okay. Never mind. You are worse than Suga. I will go to search for a doctor. But what should I say?”

“I don’t feel like myself… shit shit shit.”

“Lay down.” Tsukki rolled eyes and left the ward. So what next? He saw some nurse in the hallway, he has to start from somewhere.

“Sorry, my friend from ward number 233 would like to meet his doctor… is there doctor named Oikawa?”

“Oikawa?... not sure at least not on this floor. Why you need him? I will call the doctor who is responsible for your friend.”

“Yes… thank you.”

“Wait, we can go together, but first I have to give medicine to one patient.” She opened some ward door. “Good morning, Kuroo-san, how are you feeling today?”

“I don’t know… I couldn’t sleep at night.”

“Really? I will talk with doctor… maybe it’s because of the medicine…”

“No… I don’t think that it’s medicine’s fault…” the man sighed.

Tsukishima felt how he grows together with the floor. He breathed in the air, but couldn’t let it out. What kind of joke is that? Someone must have a really bad taste of humor. He slowly touched the wall, all sounds around him suddenly disappeared.

“Alright, we can go now. Boy?”

“Kei…?!!” Kuroo suddenly jumped in his bed, like he would be ready to jump off it any second, but maybe that was a bad decision. He grabbed on his side and closed eyes from the pain.

Somehow Tsukki moved. He entered ward and stopped, but he couldn't lift his head and look at Kuroo. No... that would be too much.

“Oh! Why are you jumping like that… you must be careful! Please.” The nurse quickly ran to the bed and helped Kuroo to lay down. “You want to stay here?” she looked at Tsukki for a second. “I will make sure that doctor visits your friend.”

Tsukki just nodded and the nurse left grumbling something about the irresponsible young generation.

“What friend?” Kuroo was now looking at the ceiling and breathing slowly. “What… friend… Kei..? Your… boyfriend?”

Two years... has passed, but now it looks like nothing changed. Same mistake. Same feelings. Life is not helping him anymore, it’s laughing. Tsukishima finally was able to breathe, he pressed his fingers harder almost painfully. He has so much to say, to ask, but suddenly his chest hurts again… maybe he will find the courage now? Maybe…  
  
“Kuroo-san…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Iwaizumi Hajime x Oikawa Tooru #1


	3. Iwaizumi x Oikawa #1

“What I am doing…?” Iwaizumi asked himself out loud once Tsukki closed the door then slowly went to the bed, maybe he should lay down at least until the doctor comes.

He is acting like a coward, searching for the easy way to face the reality. Sooner or later he will have to do that. Now when he knows that Oikawa works here, he suddenly didn’t know what to feel anymore. Should he be mad or happy? Should he say something or just leave hospital like that? Maybe it’s been too long to change something. Almost three years ago he just disappeared without saying a word, without any clear reason. Maybe Oikawa was like that, thinking that he is a perfect princess and he can play with others however he wants. But at that time Iwaizumi believed that… he is a more than others. That those kisses and confessions were not just a silly game. He was serious…. He was.

That day when Oikawa disappeared was the end of the world. From one side it was funny, like a dumb joke. Iwaizumi was expecting that Oikawa will jump and show himself any second, teasing like always. But he didn’t, he didn’t call, not even once, there was no letter, no message, just an empty closet where his clothes used to hang and a house still full of his presence. Sometimes at night, Iwaizumi thought that he hears Oikawa taking a shower or silently humming next to the window. Seriously he thought he is going insane. That’s how much he needed him back then. Obviously, they were living together sharing everything, including their souls…. So after he was gone Iwaizumi started feeling half empty.

Was it that hard to call at least once? Was it so hard at least… once… show that he doesn’t think just about himself. Of course, with his actions, Oikawa showed that he doesn’t want to be found. But Iwaizumi still searched, everywhere he could. Just to prove himself that he tried to do something. Even if he knew, that it’s impossible to find Oikawa. If he doesn’t want to be found then there is really no chance. Iwaizumi moved from their old place and dropped out of the sports college. It took him almost a year to get back his life together and start something new. That’s when he discovered photography. Capturing moments. Saving a piece of soul in every one of them… when he was taking photos, Iwa was looking at the world through objective and the life didn’t look so scary. Maybe it was his fault after all… maybe he spent too much of his life with Oikawa and that scared him away.

When he first met Akaashi in his new college there was just silent greeting, but he started seeing him too often and somehow they ended up in a bar. They always end up there. And they always drink talking shit about each other. Akaashi wanted to forget Bokuto, Iwaizumi tried not to think about Oikawa so they were a perfect match. No volleyball, just simple student life, it was practical to become friends with someone who also wants to heal their souls. Because neither of them wanted a new love, they just tried to go with a flow. And now… after two years of friendship also with Suga and later on with Tsukishima. Iwaizumi was able to tell that life doesn’t always suck.

But what happened today was really over his powers. Oikawa. Here. Was he always here? So close? In Tokyo? Or Iwa really hit the head so hard that he is panicking because of nothing? How Akaashi said, maybe it was a hallucination? Iwaizumi was sure that when he is drunk he speaks a lot about Oikawa even if in the morning he doesn’t remember any of it. Akaashi gets really happy when he can remind this out of the blue, also calling him “Iwa-chan”, first it was super annoying, but now Iwa doesn’t pay attention anymore.

“Good morning, the nurse told me that you would like to see me?”

Iwaizumi turned his head and saw a doctor going towards him. He tried to sit, but doctor softly pushed him down.

“Just stay calm for a bit more. How are you feeling?”

“I feel totally fine… I would like to go home.”

“Well, I suppose I can’t hold you here. You hit head pretty hard, so just in case ask someone to watch over you today, okay?”

“Yes… I know. I will be fine… my friend… where is he?”

Iwaizumi was sure that Tsukishima was the one who called the doctor, so why he is not here?

“So that’s how you call it these days… hmmm… he is on the other floor now. I can call him here if you want.”

Iwaizumi tried not to think what doctor had in mind, even if he sounded really strange. More important question what Tsukki is doing there and not here? Let’s just hope he didn’t meet Oikawa… to be honest, Iwaizumi couldn’t imagine them talking.

“Yes… and my friend will pay for everything. It seems that I lost the wallet…”

“Oh really? You should report to police then… but don’t worry he already paid for everything long ago.”

“Really...??? Alright then…”

“Then please take care of yourself and don’t forget to sign papers before leaving.”

“Yes, thank you very much.”

When doctor smiled and left, Iwaizumi closed his eyes and covered face. What the hell Tsukishima? Come back quickly, you moron with glasses, don’t make this situation even worse. Iwaizumi decided that he wants to leave this place as soon as possible. Maybe he can stay ant Sugawara’s place today, then he will be able to make sure that Suga is not depressed about yesterday.

The door opened.

“Tsukishima you are faster than I thought…. But what were you doing on the other floor?” he silently asked, but he didn’t answer, instead of that Iwa felt a touch on his head. There has been a while since someone touched his hair this gently. Maybe that would be fine but on the other side, Tsukki wouldn't do something like that on his right mind.

“What the fuck are you do---“

Iwa grabbed man's hand and opened eyes. And of course, the one standing next to him wasn’t Tsukishima.

“Hey, Iwa-chan.”

Iwa-chan… he hates when someone else calls him like that. Anyone…. But this voice. He looked the same as Iwa remembered. Same light brown hair, same eyes, same smile on his lips… like he would be a king of any place he goes. Nothing changed, it’s like he was thrown 3 years back. If it’s a hallucination, now would be the best time for him to disappear because otherwise, Iwaizumi won’t be responsible for his actions.

“Hey? That’s the best you can say??” Instead of letting Oikawa go, Iwaizumi pressed his hand harder.

“Ouch, hurts. You don’t look surprised that it’s me. Maybe you weren’t sleeping after all?”

The smirk on Oikawa’s face was just too much for Iwaizumi. Fuck him and all this shit. Iwa quickly wrapped his hand around Oikawa’s waist and made him fall on the bed, then with another move Iwa quickly changed sides. Iwaizumi on top, pressing both of Oikawa's hands to the bed. Oikawa didn't resist at all… it's like he was waiting for something like that and it just pissed Iwa even more. Why is he like that?

“Wow, Iwa-chan I didn’t know you became so strong. So what now?”

Oikawa was obviously laughing with his eyes. It’s funny for him. Really?

“It's not funny.”

“And I am not laughing. But you are pressing me so hard… I hope you do realize that we are in the hospital.”

Oikawa tried to release his hands, but Iwaizumi just pressed them harder. Then he sighed. In the past, Iwaizumi was so good at understanding what Oikawa is thinking, but now he couldn’t figure him out.

“I don’t care. I won’t let u go until you give me an answer.”

Even if he doesn’t understand what Oikawa is seeking, it's still possible to force him to do how Iwaizumi wants.

“And what will you ask me? Let me guess. Why I left you? How could I do this to you? Was it because of another man… hmm?”

Those questions… of course, they were slowly driving Iwaizumi insane for so long. But… there was another one... more important. Because of this Iwa passed sleepless weeks, he could only hold the phone in his hands and wait for at least for the smallest sign. Anything. And until now this was the only one question to which answer he wanted to know the most. More than anything.

“Are... are you okay?”

From any possible words, Oikawa obviously didn't expect these. For one long moment, he was staring at Iwaizumi, then breathed out the air and Iwaizumi thought that he saw how Oikawa's lips trembled. No, he was sure, even if after a second fake smile returned to Oikawa’s face.

“Of course. Can't you tell?”

“Alright then... sorry if I pressed too hard.”

Iwaizumi turned his eyes away from Oikawa, he had enough of that. He is not the man Iwa remembers, it hurt too much. Slowly Iwaizumi let him go and stood up from the bed. If Oikawa is alright... then it's okay. As long as he is happy... even if that happiness is without Iwa. To be honest, maybe everything wouldn’t have ended up so quickly if Oikawa would have shown the real himself, not the one under the mask.

“Wait.” Oikawa suddenly almost shouted before Iwa moved. “That's it? You won’t start asking questions?? You won’t ask me how could I leave you? You won’t hit me and call heartless???”

Oikawa now was the one who grabbed Iwaizumi he hugged him around shoulders from behind and pressed a little bit too possessive.

“Will it make any difference? It won’t be easier for me. That won’t turn back the time... answers won’t return your love for me and it won’t make my pain go away. I don't want to know anymore... it's enough. If you are okay, then it’s enough for me.”

Oikawa didn't try to stop Iwa from talking, neither he said something after this, just his hands slipped down Iwaizumi’s shoulders like Oikawa would be tired.

Iwaizumi moved forward. Those parts where Oikawa touched started burning, itching.

“I need to go. Tsukishima has paid for the hospital, he is probably waiting for me.”

That was a lie because Iwa doesn't even know where that guy is right now. He should have returned long ago.

“No… It was me. I did it... for you.”

The silent voice made Iwa stop. He didn't want to turn around, because then probably he won't be able to leave. But this feeling hit him too hard and painfully. Why? Why has he done that? Now doctor’s words made a little bit more sense... probably Doc didn't even meet Tsukki. That’s Oikawa he was talking about.

“You are bastard, Oikawa, you know that?”

“I liked it better when you were calling me Tooru at night...”

Night??? What?? Iwa didn't have another choice, he turned around and looked at Oikawa who was standing just a few steps from him. He was pressing lips too hard, and Iwa could see that his hands in pockets of the white lab coat are trembling.

“So you don't remember after all... at night they brought you here. Your head was hit and you were drunk as fuck. I was on the night shift so I was the one who met you next to the entrance. You grabbed me and started crying like a baby. You cried for so long that we even couldn't do a photo of your head. You didn't want to let me go. You were calling my name and holding my hand, saying that you missed me, that you are not mad at all. You know… I didn't come back to you, because I knew you will be mad like you are now... but this night when I heard that you are not... it felt so good.” Oikawa laughed “But it seems I was tricked after all.”

Iwa listened to this as some sort of fairy tale. He couldn't remember anything. The only thing he remembered was that after opening eyes in the morning he saw Oikawa and some other nurse talking next to his bed, then he pretended that he is asleep.

“Sounds like a bullshit...” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but Oikawa’s face was too serious. He was not lying and it really sounds something that drunk Iwa would do. Did he even understand that this time Oikawa was real that it was not a chair or a pillow in Sugawara’s home?

“Of course it does, especially if you don't remember. You even gave me your wallet, saying that you don't need anything if I don't come back home. Fun fact that I tried to go back home half and a year ago, but there was someone else living there.”

“Well, you were a little bit too late.”

So where the heck Oikawa spent one and a half year?? That’s what Iwaizumi wanted to shout into his perfect face, but he couldn’t. This princess tries to put blame on Iwaizumi now. But no… that won’t happen.

“It seems so.” Oikawa sighed. “I was too late…”

From his pocket, he pulled out Iwaizumi’s wallet. So what? He could just take it by himself. Iwa stepped closer to take it, but suddenly Oikawa moved his hand with the wallet away and grabbed on Iwaizumi shirt, made him lean forward.

“Say my name and I will give it back to you,” he said without any smile this time.

“Stop shitting around, bastard.”

“Sooo you are mad.”

“Of course I am! Now give my fucking wallet.” Iwaizumi leaned even closer almost at the point where their noses were touching.

“Iwa-chan… did you missed me?”

“Stop right now.”

“Or else?”

Oikawa’s hot breathing was making Iwa dizzy, he was scared that soon he won’t be able to think rationally. Or maybe he is not thinking anymore… he wouldn’t be standing so close to a person who thinks that he can play with anyone's heart how he pleases. Oikawa slowly closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Iwaizumi lips. Iwa almost flinched from this unexpected move but remained still.

“Say it… just once. Please… I just want to… confirm something.”

The smell of Oikawa’s skin was so homey. So sweet… he used to love these kinds of kisses. Now Iwa’s hands were trembling that’s how much he wanted to hug him, it was almost a reflex.

“Tooru…”

Oikawa sighed. Even if Iwaizumi couldn’t see, he was sure that Oikawa is smiling right now. But not sarcastically. What did he want to confirm?

“Iwaizu----…. Oh. Awkward.”

The third voice came from behind. Both man quickly jumped from each other like underage caught by their parents. But it was just Tsukishima.

Damn, it is… awkward. Iwa wasn’t sure where he has to start from.

“Actually I just wanted to say, that I won’t be able to go home together with you. I need to take care of something… so if you need money for hospital….” Tsukki was talking normally, but obviously, he wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

“Yeah… no… I mean…. I found my wallet so…. Yeah.”

Iwaizumi wanted to ask what happened, but somehow tongue wasn’t listening to him right now. Anyway, it’s not a time and place for the talk. Oikawa next to Iwa was also a bit too silent.

“Right. Then see you later.”

“See ya.”

“Say hello to Kuroo!” Suddenly Oikawa shouted and the door closed a little bit too loud.

Kuroo? Is he in the hospital? Is this the thing that Tsukki had to take care of? Well, it seems not only Iwa’s mind is fucked up right now.

“My shift ends in 4 hours… if you want… we can go to my place and talk.”

“Talk? You think you have a right to show yourself like that after three years and invite me over like nothing happened? Listen, stop treating me like an idiot.” Before Oikawa said anything else, Iwaizumi quickly pulled out his wallet from Oikawa’s hand. “I mean if you weren't working today, I would have never met you, right?… Damn it. Why I am even talking to you.”

“Please, Iwa-chan. If anything you said today at night is true, then…”

His cool image was gone somewhere, but Iwaizumi was just too pissed right now to think. He shook his head and walked from the ward. Too late Oikawa… way too late to act like a princess.

Once Iwaizumi was outside legs walked by themselves, before he knew, he was already next to Suga’s home. He called but got an answer just when he was about to leave.

“Yes?” His voice was so dead and somehow really deep.

“It’s Iwa, can I come in?”

“Suga… is sleeping right now… are you Iwaizumi?”

Iwa would have choked if he would be drinking. But now he could only stare at that speaker as it was some sort of snake.

“Yes… who are you?”

“Wait for a second.”

The connection was gone. Iwaizumi was standing like a stone for a half a minute. When the door opened and the one who walked out was Sawamura. Oh…. It’s such a mess. What is Daichi doing here?

“What… an actual hell you are doing at Suga's place?”

“We… talked and now everything is fine…” Sawamura looked somewhere away like he was a little bit embarrassed because of what happened yesterday but his voice was strong. It’s not a joke. Really…

“How… how you knew where to find him?”

“I knew all along where he lives… just never found a strength to call… but yesterday when I saw his eyes. I don’t know how to explain. As Sugawara’s friend you probably are mad at me…” Sawamura sighed and rubbed his hair. Iwaizumi just couldn’t believe that Suga forgave him so easily. Can this be true? Just yesterday it looked like he would cry his eyes out and now… Are they okay? Only Suga can have such a big heart.

“Do you have a smoke?” Iwaizumi just felt that he needs something like that.

“No… I don’t. Sorry.”

“I see… Tell then to Suga that I will call him later.”

“Yes… and Iwaizumi?”

“What?”

“I know that it’s not my business… but yesterday after seeing you in the bar I called to Oikawa…”

Somehow after hearing this, Iwaizumi wasn’t surprised anymore. Damn it. Of course, there had to be a connection.

“Is there any possibility that you called to Kuroo too?”

“Well… how did you know?” Sawamura blinked few times.

“Just a guess. Take care of Suga, if he cries again we will kill you.” This phrase like from terrible action or comedian move could have made anyone laugh, but Sawamura’s started nodding too fast and walked back to the house. Well, here we go… everyone seems busy. Probably it’s better to go home. Before that, Iwaizumi decided to call Akaashi once again, but no one picked up, probably he is in the bathroom slowly killed by a hangover.

When Oikawa finished work it was almost midday. Night shifts are not easy, especially the one like this. Actually, he didn’t have to work today at all, but when Daichi called and said that he saw Iwaizumi at the bar, Oikawa didn’t think too much, he ran into the city just to find out that they left the bar long ago… so it was impossible to find Iwa again. He lost him. Oikawa was walking back when he saw how someone drunk is trying to go down the stairs. First, he was thinking should he help or not, but when the man started falling there was no other option. Just when he was in Oikawa’s hands he could finally recognize that alcoholic. Suprise. Was this a coincidence?

Drunk Iwaizumi was silently asking… almost begging. He asked to call… call for Oikawa. Oikawa couldn’t believe that he was blessed so much today, he took that cute thing to the hospital and asked for a friend to switch the shifts. Just because he would be able to hold hands with Iwa all night long.

“So… I was wrong.” Oikawa sighed and looked around. Of course, Iwaizumi didn’t wait. Princess was hoping for too much. Too fast. This night was like a dream that he didn’t deserve to have.

Oikawa covered face with a palm. Fuck. How… Will he be ever able to explain? Or to forgive himself? He left Iwaizumi… because…. He didn’t want to be burden… he just wanted to get better and return. He wanted Iwa to be proud… to be…

“Fuck… Why I am crying…” he murmured, but couldn’t stop tears. Maybe he was just too tired after almost a day without the sleep.

“That’s a good question… Tooru. I should be the one crying here.”

“Damn you, Iwa-chan… damn you…” Oikawa sobbed but didn’t move his hands. This voice. The sound when he says his name… Oikawa just wanted to confirm and he was right. No matter Iwa is drunk or sober he says it with the same tone… with the same soft voice. Blessing for ears.

“Yeah…” Iwaizumi placed his hand on Oikawa’s hair. “That’s my line.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Daichi x Suga #1


	4. Daichi x Suga #1

“Where were you?”

A silent voice reached Daichi when he came back to Suga’s flat. The man lifted his head after taking off shoes. Suga was standing next to the bedroom door just in his underwear, hugging himself around the waist and looking down at his naked feet. Daichi could swear that the view of Koushi playing with his toes was definitely one of the top 10 the most favorites and cutest views of Suga.

“Did you miss me already?”

Sawamura came closer and touched Suga’s hair with the tips of his fingers, but the man in front of him just hugged himself harder.

“Don’t… don’t bully me.”

“Wha… Koushi, no no… I am just joking, don’t look like you about to cry. My heart can’t take it anymore.”

Daichi quickly wrapped his hands around Suga’s shoulders and pressed him against the chest as hard as possible. Daichi couldn’t explain is his hands are trembling or is it Suga’s body.

“Then don’t say things like that…”

Slowly but confidently Suga also hugged Daichi. It was strange for him, after two years to feel so calm in this man's arms again. He just couldn’t stop trembling, maybe a little bit from the fear that all of this might be just a dream. Maybe he was still a little bit mad at himself that for two years he couldn’t find the courage and listen to what Daichi has to say. Running seemed a better solution. All of his friends were running, like Akaashi from Bokuto, like Tsukishima from Kuroo and how Iwaizumi finally gave up on looking for Oikawa. It was easier this way, even if it hurt. But the best part now is that Suga doesn’t need to run anymore, also it doesn’t hurt… it’s like the wound was never there.

“Alright… I just wanted to ask, maybe you were lonely? I was out for 5 minutes and when I left you were sleeping… sorry.”

Sawamura kissed Suga’s hair and smiled. So this is how heaven feels like, he already had forgotten that it’s possible to feel this good just by hugging someone. It felt like his heart will go insane inside the chest, Daichi just wished he could squeeze Sugawara in his arms even harder and carry around twenty-four seven.

“Yes… I was a bit lonely.”

Suga slowly reached for Daichi’s naked skin under his shirt and then took a deep breath. No matter what, he can’t wake up. Just after this thought and grabbing into Daichi’s skin harder Suga gasped when he suddenly was lifted from the ground, the man instantly wrapped his legs around Daichi’s waist, it was like instinct.

“Gimme a kiss.”

When Suga placed his hands on Daichi’s shoulders and looked at his face, Daichi was with his eyes closed and making duck lips. That almost made Suga laugh, but he still didn’t get his answer. He touched Daichi’s lower lips with his thumb.

“Is there something you don’t want to tell me?”

“Not at all… I just really want that kiss.” Daichi opened his eyes but still kept those duck lips. “Pretty please.”

“But…”

“Kiss.”

Now Suga just couldn’t stop himself, he smiled really widely and pressed lips to Daichi’s. Kissing after so long felt good, maybe a little bit like a dream, just a thought of this made Suga hug his lover harder. The warm feeling inside made him wonder how long will it take until it will be enough? It’s hard to count, two years is such a long time after all.

“Now tell me.”

Suga asked again, pressing his forehead against Daichi's.

“Daichi!”

Suga screamed and laughed at the same time when instead of proper answer Daichi suddenly moved and fell on the bed. Suga hit the soft sheets with his back and felt how Daichi’s body weight presses him. The feeling was nice and safe.

“No… really. If you don’t tell me, I will get mad.”

Suga tried to make a serious face, but unsuccessfully. Instead of that, he covered Daichi’s lips with palms, stopping the kiss.

“Hey… you can tell me everything. Or you don’t trust me?”

As Suga thought these words were magical. Daichi just got his love back and he didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. Even if Suga was joking.

“Iwaizumi… he was here, when you were sleeping, that’s why I was outside. Sorry, I just didn’t want to wake you up.

“Iwa was here?? Is he alright? Did something happen?” Suga moved a little bit, giving Daichi a sign to let him go. He sighed and rolled on the bed. Daichi knew that this will happen, that’s why he didn’t want to tell now. They spent all night talking, and Suga mentioned that he became really close friends with Iwa, Akaashi, and Tsukki, but Daichi was a little bit selfish. After all this time, he wanted a little bit more attention. Of course, he would never try to separate Suga from friends.

“I don’t know… your friends don’t really like me, remember?”

“Daaaaichi, love, stop it. They will when I tell them everything.” Suga left a quick kiss on his cheek and then stood up to search for the phone. To be honest, he was crying a half of the night and another half he spent talking with Daichi, so he slept an hour maybe. Suga didn’t drink much yesterday, but the lack of sleep made his head seem so heavy.

“Will you call him now?”

“Yes, I will be quick. Just wanted to make sure that everything is okay.”

Suga pressed the call button still looking at Daichi and waited, but no one picked up. It couldn’t be more than 15 minutes since Iwa was here. Sugawara just wanted to be sure that it’s nothing too serious, he left a quick message to Iwa and then automatically called to the second number in his list. If somebody knows what happened to Iwa it’s probably Akaashi. But he was also not picking up, at least that's what Suga thought until the last the second when he heard strange sound on the other side of the line.

“Ahaashi??”

“Yeah… sorry, I am not in the condition to talk right now.”

The voice was so weak that Sugawara needed few second to understand the meaning of words.

“Are you alright? Is it because of the hangover?” Suga couldn’t help just be worried. Sometimes he was really feeling like a mother to them.

“Yes… probably.”

“Are you crying?? Akaashi where are you now?” Suga didn’t pay attention when saw Daichi shaking his head.

“In the park near the University…” probably Akaashi just didn’t have strengths to argue, or maybe for the first time in his life, he really needed someone near.

“Alright, wait there, we are coming.”

“We?”

“Yes, me and Daichi. Don’t go anywhere.” He ended the call and looked at the man on the bed. “I know Akaashi too well, something happened. We need to go.”

“Or maybe not..?” Daichi didn’t rush to get up, even if Suga was already running around searching for clean clothes. “It’s probably about Bokuto…”

“What’s about Bokuto…??” Suddenly Suga stopped as Daichi had cursed. This word was taboo for Akaashi.

“Well… yesterday just before coming to your place I got a message from Bokuto saying that Akaashi came to his house totally drunk and just passed out even before entering.”

“Wow… and you probably just forgot to tell this insignificant fact?!”

“Well sorry that this night our relationship was more important than our friends.” Daichi finally got up and stopped in front of Suga. He needs to pick words more carefully. To have a fight with Suga is the last thing he wants right now. They just made up…

“Yes… sorry. You are right… I just can’t imagine what kind of reaction had Akaashi… but knowing Bokuto it can’t be that bad. Right?”

“You don’t know Bokuto at all… at least Bokuto when he is hurt. After Akaashi left… he changed. Like all of us. Actually like I told you tonight… it’s just a strange accident that I became friends with Bokuto, Kuroo, and Oikawa.”

“You think he has done something to Akaashi?” Suga just couldn’t believe what he just said himself. It’s impossible, really it is. He finally finished dressing up and rushed to the corridor.

“I don’t think that he has done something. Maybe that’s the problem. In the message, he asked if someone can take Akaashi from his place.”

“Whaaat?” Suga froze just after putting on shoes. That sounded even more impossible.

“Koushi…” Suddenly Daichi grabbed his shoulders and pressed against the wall. “I know that we will need more time until you completely forgive me. And I am ready to wait for that… but I don’t think that I can live, even one more day longer, without you next to me…”

“Why so serious…?” Suga smiled. He touched Daichi’s face with fingertips. “Are you jealous?” To be honest, this question was silly, the answer was too obvious in man’s eyes. “I am all yours, alright? You don’t have to be afraid of that, but my friends are important to me. Wouldn’t you do the same for any of yours?”

“But I don’t want to share you with others… not now. And you really need to sleep.”

Suga gave a quick kiss to Daichi on his cheek and dragged him out from the place. Somehow, for now, the fact that Daichi became so overprotected made Suga feel good.

  
They reached park pretty quick since Daichi was with the car. As he told Suga he wasn’t drinking in the bar yesterday just met others from Karasuno there for a small reunion. At this hour there were no problems with the traffic.

“Akaashi!” Suga let go of Daichi’s hand when he saw a man sitting on a bench, he waved for him with a smile, but when Suga saw a white face and dead red eyes, the happy face was wiped away. “Daichi, could you get a bottle of water, please?”

Just not long ago Daichi was a little bit against going here, but now after seeing that sad figure, he couldn’t recognize Akaashi at all. He quickly nodded and turned back to search for a vending machine. Suga almost ran towards the lonely boy who was half sitting half lying on the bench.

“Akaashi… oh… what happened? Why didn’t you call me sooner?! Did he hurt you?” Suga helped him to sit properly, as Akaashi was like a doll, he didn’t move even a bit on his own.

“Nothing… really. Nothing happened.” He answered silently and then lifted his eyes. “Who told you?”

“Daichi told me but… don’t ask right now. I will tell you everything later.”

“I am happy for you… really.” Akaashi pressed his forehead to Suga’s shoulder and he saw how Akaashi’s body started trembling. This silent cry crushed Sugawara’s heart more than Akaashi's silent voice or dead face. He hasn’t seen Akaashi like this for a long time. Suga really wanted to say something, but just didn’t know what. It seemed that words are not enough.

“Here…” Daichi came back with a bottle of water just after few minutes.

“Akaashi, you need to drink water, you look white like paper…”

But it seemed that Suga's friend just couldn’t hear him, Akaashi lifted his head and looked right at Daichi’s face.

“Did… did I do this to him? Is it my fault? He… became like this… because of me?” he silently asked with an empty voice, even if Akaashi knew the answer from the start.

“Probably…”

“Daichi!! What are you saying!” Suga shouted with big eyes. Can’t he be a little bit softer? Akaashi doesn’t need to hear this right now.

“No… it’s okay… I knew it. It's just… I didn’t… want him… to become like this. I just… oh… Damn it, what I have done Suga… what have I done…”

Akaashi grabbed his hair and leaned forward pressing his face to knees.

“But that doesn’t mean that he needs to act like an asshole… He always does things and just then starts to think about them. I am sure he is not feeling good about that, whatever he said or done to you.”

“I think… I deserved it...”

“Akaashi please don’t say like this…” Suga placed his palm on Akaashi’s shoulder. Tsukki would probably kick Akaashi’s ass until he stopped blaming himself. But Suga was able to help just with support. He looked at Daichi silently asking for help just with eyes.

“Listen…” Daichi started speaking, but suddenly his phone rang. He quickly looked at the screen. Well well… as he thought. Kuroo is probably with Tuskishima in the hospital, so Bokuto, of course, called him. “I need to take care of some things. I will probably back soon enough.”

“Where are you going?” Suga blinked when Daichi gave him a bottle with water and left a kiss on a forehead.

“To take care of a big child. See you soon, babe.” Daichi turned around and walked out of the park. Damn it, he knew that something like this is going to happen. Of course. He didn’t pick up, but he knew where Bokuto is. It’s better to see him, than listen to his whines on the phone.

He drew right to the gym where they usually were having a volleyball practice. It wasn’t even a midday, so obviously, Bokuto was alone in the hall. At that second when Daichi came in Bokuto threw the ball with such force that it flew from one side of the hall and bumped at the wall of the other side.

“Shit!!!”

“That was an out.” Daichi sighed and Bokuto turned around at him.

“You didn’t pick up your phone."

“Because I knew you will be here. So what’s up? Where is Akaashi? Did you send him home?” Daichi decided to pretend that he doesn’t know anything more than he had to know. He took off his outside shoes and left them next to the door, then grabbed a ball from the floor. Bokuto didn’t answer anything.

“Give me a serve.” He just sighed but Daichi didn’t.

“Don’t you have anything to tell me? Then why did you call me?”

“I needed someone to play with. And what kind of important stuff were you doing anyway?”

“I was with Koushi. So yes, it was important.”

“With Suga?? What? So that’s why you look so pissed off… were you stalking him again?”

“No. We made up.”

“What..?” Bokuto suddenly stopped as he was about to get a new ball for himself. “What do you mean? Did you tell him the truth?”

“Well, not all of it. Just the things he needs to know… it doesn’t matter, he said that we can try again and this is the only thing I want to think about.”

“Hmmmm… so you are not honest with him… hahaha, and you think it will turn well?”

“Like you are the one to talk.” Daichi finally passed a ball to Bokuto. “Where is Akaashi?” Bokuto was about to hit the ball, but after this question, it just hit him right in the head and fell on the ground, but even that didn’t make Bokuto move.

“What do you mean?...”

“Well, you wrote today in our group chat, remember? That Akaashi came to your place totally drunk.”

“Hm… ha… I am not sure… I think he went home… maybe…” Daichi almost saw how Bokuto was getting smaller and smaller.

“Bokuto! What did you do???” Daichi shouted and Bokuto covered his face with palms like a child.

“I just got so mad, when he started to act cold as if he didn’t know… as he wasn’t the one who left me. So… I don’t know…. It started to hurt so much…. And I told him… to get out… Daichi… damn it… I am such an idiot.” He started murmuring so silently, that Daichi had to listen really carefully. So it was as he thought.

“Yes you are, but that’s why you got your friends.” Daichi sighed. He was dealing with a big kid. But on the other side, sometimes they also had the same problems with him “Let’s go.”

“Where?” Bokuto raised his head and looked at Daichi with big eyes like he had a magical solution for Bokuto's mistakes. Yes, like a child.

Daichi didn’t answer anything, he threw the ball into its place and put on the shoes, then left the gym. Bokuto was standing alone for a few seconds more but then ran after a friend.

“Hey, where are we going, really? I hope not into the bar…”

Daichi still didn’t answer, to be honest, he just wanted to throw Bokuto to Akaashi as fast as he can and then go back with Suga to his apartment. He sat in the car and waited for Bokuto to do the same. He was moving really slowly as if he knew that Daichi is planning something. But Bokuto is not too clever in this kind of situations.

“Do you know how Kuroo is doing? I was so busy with studies, I didn’t have time to visit him.” They were going in silence until Bokuto asked this. If Daichi doesn’t want to talk about the place they are going to, then there are other topics.

“I think… he is better. I was there yesterday in the morning; Oikawa is making sure that he would get everything he needs. But since Tuskishima is with him… maybe he is even better than we think.”

“Tsukishima… he better not hurt Kuroo again. Damn it, I really hate that there are so many things going on around, I can’t think about everything at the same time!” Bokuto sighed looking through the window.

“That’s the problem only you can have… Bokuto, really.”

They reached the park probably even faster because Daichi was speeding. Bokuto tried to ask again where they are going but gave up because Daichi wasn’t going to answer anyway.

“Hey hey hey! Why this park? It’s not even our University. Do you want to go for a walk or what? Daichiiiiii!” Bokuto shouted almost running after him when they got out of the car. Daichi saw Suga sitting already from the distance, that made him go faster. But before that, he grabbed Bokuto's T-shirt and started dragging him, just in case if he tried to run away.

“Look what have you done.” Daichi finally said, but Bokuto eyes were already on Akaashi even before he heard those words.

Akaashi’s face looked horrible. It seemed that he got even worse after Daichi left. He was just sitting with the empty look watching the at the ground. Suga’s face got so relieved at the same second when he saw both of them coming. Probably he was already out of supporting words.

“Go fix this. I don’t want to see you cry anymore.” Daichi silently said it to Bokuto and pushed him towards Akaashi. “Koushi let’s goooo…” Let’s say it’s a fair exchange.

Suga nodded to Bokuto, but it seemed that man couldn’t see him. Just Akaashi. Bokuto slowly came closer until he was able to reach him. Akaashi lifted his head, it’s the first time Bokuto saw him in this kind of position. Akaashi should have pretended that it’s not about him at all, but as soon as he thought about that, eyes were full of tears again.

“Koutarou…” Akaashi reached Bokuto’s hand with his trembling fingers.

That’s when Suga understood that it’s time for him to move, he quickly ran to Daichi and grabbed his hand.

“Do you think they will be okay?” he asked already going further. He really wanted to look back and see what was going on, but he didn’t.

“I am sure they will. Koushi…” Daichi thought about Bokuto’s words, that he is not being honest with Suga until the end. Will it end up well, if they start a new relationship from lies?

“Hm?” Suga smiled, pressing Daichi’s hand. He really missed this in his life.

“There is something I didn’t tell you… I… I stalked you all these two years. Just didn’t have enough courage to come and speak with you. I lied when I said tonight, that yesterday was the first time I saw you after we broke up. I could continue living just because I knew that you are alright…”

Suga stopped that he could look at Daichi’s face. It doesn’t look like he is lying. Daichi just can’t lie, especially to Suga.

“You really do love me, right? ”

“I do…”

“Daichi…”

“But I don’t think that I can forgive myself for what I have done. I was just so jealous… and….”

“Shhhh…. You already told me, you don’t have to repeat yourself, okay? Next time, if you are jealous kiss me, not someone else.” Suga laughed, taking Daichi arms into his palms.

“It’s not funny…”

“Of course not…” one of the things about Daichi, that he liked the most was that his height. Suga had to get on his tiptoes to reach his lips. Suga left a small kiss on them and smiled wider. “I feel a so good knowing that you were my guardian angel all these years… I should have taken care of you too.”

“You say this like I would be a child.”

“Daichi…” Suga whispered into his lips. “There is something I also haven’t told you…”

“What?” Daichi could feel how heat is going down. Is Suga doing this on purpose?

“I also stalked you… just to be sure you don’t have anyone else.” Suga left bubbles of hot air on his lover’s lips.

After that Daichi almost cared Suga back to the car that they could quickly go back to his place. He is not going to wait a second longer. Seems they both were two kids from the beginning.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Kuroo x Tsukishima #2


	5. Kuroo x Tsukishima #2

After saying Kuroo’s name Tsukki didn’t know how to continue. He was staying next to the bed, thinking if any of the things he has done were right. Something squeezed his heart. How does he dare to ask something like that? As if he would be the one who is hurt? Tsukishima had all rights to date whoever he wants.

“You will not talk?”

Just after this question, Tsukki understood that he has been staring at the floor for few minutes in silence. It was just too hard, Tsukki wasn’t even sure why he is still here and why he stayed. Turn around and leave, that’s the best solution. Tsukki wasn’t sure how this ridiculous coincidence happened in the first place, but he was sure, that he doesn’t need it in his life. Why now? Why here?

“What happened?”

Somehow he couldn’t handle this pressure anymore. Words just came out of his mouth. Maybe Kuroo won’t even give him an answer...

“An accident with a bicycle… I am not able… to move my arms anymore…”

“What???” At that second Tsukishima forgot everything he had in mind. The emptiness was filled with every possible thought about Kuroo. To be honest, no matter what Tsukki wasn’t expecting this. He finally looked at Kuroo, but the black hired man was looking somewhere else. How… When… Why… Now Tsukki wanted to ask so many questions but he wasn’t able to. Tsukishima was able to quit volleyball just because of his strong will and stubbornness, but Kuroo was never like that. Kuroo was obsessed with that game, nothing could ever make him quit… unless. How long is he staying in this place? From Kuroo’s face, Tsukushima wasn’t able to tell what he is feeling.

Tsukki without any thinking touched Kuroo’s arm. It was lying on sheets, strong, as Tsukki remembered, the skin was warm. How can this be true? How those arms, which once were so gently touching his skin, now can’t feel anything? It’s impossible.

Tsukki couldn’t help it, at that second he was already strangled by tears. The truth is that he still loved Kuroo, he missed him every single day, every time he was seeing his cat. Two years he was wrapped in the enormous pain. Even if sometimes it was easier while being with other friends, who almost were able to understand his pain. Almost. And now this. Why does it hurt so much? Why he deserves this pain?

“You don’t feel… anything?” Tsukishima whispered with a strange voice. Somehow his feelings didn’t matter anymore.

Kuroo didn’t answer. Their eyes met, and all Tsukki was able to feel were those hot tears on his cheeks. Here he is wide open in front of this man, who hurt him in the most painful way he could. Despite that Tsukki won’t be able to love anyone like this again.

“Kei… can you stay with me for a bit?”

“Sure…” his lips were moving but the mind couldn’t work at all. “I will be right back…” he turned around and walked from the ward. At least he must warn Iwaizumi. Of course, he doesn’t need to know that Tsukki is going to stay with Kuroo. It’s a temporary thing anyway.

He came back to Iwa’s ward just to find him almost stick to Oikawa. Great. It seems that this day is shitty not only for him. He tried to get out from there as quick as he could and then go right back. As Tsukki was getting closer to Kuroo’s ward, his legs were becoming heavier and heavier. He opened the door. Kuroo was lying the same.

“For a second I thought that you were just a dream.”

Tsukki didn’t know what to answer. Maybe because he was feeling the same. What if everything here is just a dream and he is still sleeping in the apartment. Tsukki sat next to the bed and sighed. To be honest, he didn’t know what to do. He tried to look everywhere except into Kuroo’s eyes. His black hair was just a little bit messy, not stylish as Tsukki remembered. To be honest, the whole face looked tired, but Kuroo was still beautiful. Gorgeous. If only it was a few years ago… Tsukki would probably kiss every spot on Kuroo's face and every finger of his hands. Until Kuroo would feel again. But now Tsukki was just sitting, waiting for something that they lost long ago.

“Can you help me to drink? Usually, the nurse helps me… but…”

Tsukki nodded. Of course, there is no point to call the nurse, when he is here. Tsukki took the glass with water and Kuroo lifted his head a little bit. Their skin wasn’t even touching, but Tsukki’s finger was so close to Kuroo’s mouth, that he was able to feel the shivers.

“Kei…” at that second, when Tsukki was closest to Kuroo, he called the name and their eyes met again. Oh no. His eyes. Long ago, Tsukki loved to look at those hazel eyes, he was able to watch and learn let himself get dragged down by that look for hours. But now even if the color was the same, eyes… they changed. For one second Tsukki thought that he sees his own sadness inside Kuroo. Like a mirror. But… but it’s impossible. No… he was the one who cheated…

“I think it is time for me to go,” Tsukki said but didn’t move even an inch. He was almost able to feel Kuroo’s breath on his lips. Damn it, that’s dangerous.

“No… please… stay, Kei.”

Oh, no…. his lips calling Tsukki’s name. No no, just not with that tone.

“Sorry. I can’t… it’s impossible.”

“Please.” Kuroo's sad eyes, tired face and this begging. Tsukishima was just too weak or maybe actually he didn’t want to leave at all. “Just… sit next to me for a bit… or are you afraid that your boyfriend will get mad?”

Tsukki didn’t answer. Boyfriend… Kuroo is such an idiot. He is the only one that Tsukushima loves and he was the one who betrayed him in the first place, how can he pretend to be jealous right now? There is no point to answer that. Anyway, Kuroo seemed tired, maybe Tsukki will wait until he falls asleep.

They didn’t talk, Tsukki was just sitting there, subconsciously holding hand on Kuroo’s just staring at the window. He was able to sense Kuroo’s gaze on him. It seemed like he wasn't even blinking. Like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t. What can they speak about? All those questions Tsukki wanted to ask before were pointless. Who cares what he feels when Kuroo lost everything. It’s not the end he deserved to have. If that day…. Tsukki would have stayed at Kuroo’s place and pretended that he didn’t find anything. Have they still ended up here? Or maybe everything would be different?

Tsukki quickly looked at Kuroo, but his eyes were closed. Even if his head was still turned at Tsukishima. He was sleeping. Tsukki loved holding him like this, wrap Kuroo in his arms and press to his chest. Even if Kuroo was taller and stronger, but when he was sleeping Tsukki always wanted to protect him. Tsukishima actually didn’t have any idea how long he was sitting here. But about one he was sure, if Kuroo is sleeping, he won’t wake up no matter what Tsukki does.

Tsukishima leaned forward and touched Kuroo's forehead with lips, the taste was painfully familiar. He lost everything so easily.

“I miss you… so much.” he silently said knowing that he is the only one here who can hear this.

“That’s so cute.”

Because of this strong voice behind him, Tsukki jumped in the spot. He quickly turned around and saw Oikawa… That means that Iwaizumi left after all. They are all more damaged than it seemed at the first sign. Should Tsukki say something about that? But on the other side, Oikawa also was looking too tired. Maybe Iwaizumi wasn’t the sweetest to him. And actually Tsukishima was interested more about Kuroo right now, so he just pretended that he saw nothing.

“For how long is he here?” he wasn’t able to ask this to Kuroo, but he can learn this from Oikawa now.

“For three days…. Maybe they will let him out tomorrow.”

“Really?” so fast?? Will he be alright on his own? Why they can’t keep him longer here, just to make sure he will be fine?

“Why are you surprised? It’s nothing too serious… but to be honest it’s the first time I see him sleeping that peacefully.” Oikawa looked surprised he even came a little bit closer and looked at Kuroo for a second then sighed like seeing something that Tsukki wasn’t able to see.

“How can you say that it’s nothing serious? He will have to quit volleyball… how he will live?” to be honest Tsukki felt strange protecting Kuroo like that, but it was an instinct, he couldn’t do anything about that.

“Quit volleyball? Why? I mean… of course, it will be better to take a rest, but….”

“What do you mean why?” Suddenly Tsukki interrupted Oikawa. Is he making fun right now? How can Kuro play volleyball without hands? Get a rest…? Something is not right here.

“What?” Oikawa suddenly also looked at Tsukki confused.

“But… the accident…? He can’t move hands….”

“What accident?... What?” From Oikawa’s face, it wasn’t clear does he wants to laugh or cry. Tsukki was standing and staring at him. “Kuroo is here because he fainted in the middle of the match. It’s because of exhaustion. He is not taking care of himself at all… but as far as I know, there is nothing wrong with his hands. So…. Tsukishima?”

Tsukki heard enough. How dumb he could be? Without any expression on his face, Tsukki turned around and just started walking. Just before leaving he heard Kuroo’s voice.

“Oikawa… you idiot.”

He was tricked. Kuroo faked everything, even his sleep because obviously, he wasn’t. So he heard everything and of course, he heard what Tsukishima said before Oikawa came. For how long Kuroo intends to play with Tsukki's feelings? He let himself get fooled by Kuroo again. Of course…. How he didn’t think! Tonight when Tsukki called, Kuroo picked up! How else he would have done that if he couldn't move hands?? He is such an idiot… nothing changes.

“KEI!!! WAIT KEI!!!” He heard the voice, but this time it didn’t make Tsukki stop. “Wait wait wait. Please.” Kuroo ran to him and grabbed Tuskki’s shoulders, made him stop.

“Don’t touch me!!” His eyes were full of tears from anger. Damn it. Why he was so naïve. “I don’t want to see your face ever again.”

But Kuroo was still holding him on shoulders, he even pressed Kei against the wall. And even if Kuroo’s face was pale as a paper, he was stronger. That’s so annoying.

“Kei, I heard what you said… I also miss you so much. You can’t even imagine. My life… without you…”

“Stop. Shut up. Stop fucking lying. There is no truth going from your lips, you were always lying to me… always.”

“What are you saying? It’s the first time I lied to you because I just didn’t know how to make you stay. When I heard your voice tonight… and later Oikawa told me that he can make you come here…”

“So you knew I will be coming???”

“Yes… I…”

“Oh… shit. I can’t believe it. Let me go, I am not kidding. Let. The. Fuck. Go.”

“Kei… how could you leave me…. Without saying anything? Why? For what? Who made you do so??”

“You dare to ask??” Tsukki couldn’t control tears anymore, they were running down his cheeks. Again. It hurts again. So freaking much that he is not able to handle. It’s bleeding, like 2 years ago, exactly the same. “You were the one who left me. You cheated on me with some chick.”

“What…? I… have never cheated on you… Kei… what are you saying….”

“Stop lying… Get off.” Tsukki couldn’t hear his voice anymore because of the tears, he started sobbing and trembling. For two years he couldn’t think of anything else just Kuroo. Just not long ago he accepted this pain and learned how to live with it. And now again, it’s even worse. Why he has to be dragged into to Kuroo's lies again? Everything for Kuroo is just a game… everything.

“No. I am not letting you go anywhere. Not again. You don’t have any idea how long I searched for you.”

“I don’t believe you. Your words are nothing more than one big lie, Kuroo.”

Finally, Kuroo let Tsukki go. Not because of his words, more because of Tsukishima’s voice. Just a second ago he seemed so hurt, it seemed that he still cares about Kuroo. But now the way Tsukki spoke… it was cold as the wind, it seemed that he went through all Kuroo’s body. He didn’t want to make fun of Kei, also he couldn’t understand why Tsukki thinks that Kuroo cheated on him. Is that the reason why Tsukishima left him? Kuroo never lied to Tsukki. He couldn’t… Tsukki was the first person he really loved, from the bottom of his heart and when he disappeared nothing made sense anymore. Kuroo wanted to say something, he wanted to find words, that would make this blond man stop, but he couldn’t. Tsukki was looking right into his eyes and there were no feelings in them. Ice.

Tsukki turned around and went through him towards the door. If Kuroo won’t stop him…. Everything will be over for sure. Tsukki was a better liar than he expected to be.

“Kei… I love you. This is not a lie.”

But Tsukishima didn’t stop, he didn’t look back, he was going only forward and soon disappeared around the corner. Kuroo was sure, it was a mirage. It was the perfect image he created inside his head.

“Kuroo let’s go back to the ward.” Oikawa came, obviously, he was listening somewhere all the time.

“Couldn’t you stay out of this, Oikawa?” he didn’t look at him, Kuroo was still staring at the corner where Tsukki disappeared.

“You lied that you can't move your hands? What? Are you an idiot? It’s not a way to get him back.”

“Oh look who is talking? It seems that staying all night with Iwaizumi while holding his hand also didn’t help much. Where is he?”

“Go back to your ward before I called the doctor.” Oikawa softly punched Kuroo, but when it didn’t help, he had to drag him back. Damn it, this idiot knows where to strike. Oikawa didn’t want to think what will happen, he wanted to believe that Iwaizumi will be waiting for him, even in the heart he knew that it’s almost impossible.

He left only when Kuroo was again in the bed. Both of them had too much today and it seems that neither of them is getting a happy ending. Oikawa and Kuroo knew their stories too well, so there was nothing much to say. Even if this time Oikawa knew that Kuroo really did nothing wrong and Tsukishima was the one who left him with no real reason. It’s different from Oikawa's situation.

When Oikawa finished work, he stopped at Kuroo’s ward for the last time, but it seemed that he didn’t move from the spot. Still with the same look in his eyes. That's how he is right now. Kuroo doesn’t care about himself at all. Because of the hard studies, part-time job, volleyball practice and the duties as captain, it’s not the first time Kuroo is lying in the hospital of total exhaustion and stress.

Oikawa went outside and Iwaizumi wasn’t here. It’s not like he had a lot of hopes that he will come, but still, it hurt too much. And even tears couldn’t help, this princess still felt them in his eyes.

“So… I was wrong…” he whispered. That’s so bad… he didn’t want to feel this way anymore. After this night he wanted to go back to Iwaizumi like never before. “Fuck… why I am crying…”

“That’s a good question… Tooru. I should be the one crying here.”  
At that second Oikawa’s world turned around. When Iwaizumi softly touched his hair, when Oikawa looked at him and saw that clear smile. When Iwaizumi wiped away his tear with a thumb. Oikawa is not dreaming, right? If he is, it’s okay not to wake up. They decided to talk at Oikawa’s place and Oikawa already started making a plan how to explain everything he has done. How to fix the heart he hurt so badly?

“Tsukishima?? What are you doing here?” Oikawa’s thoughts were gone when Iwaizumi suddenly called Tsukki. That blond boy was sitting on a bench just next to the hospital. Obviously, he didn’t go anywhere. How long is he sitting here?

“I hate him…. I hate that liar so much, yet I can’t leave. Why?” Tsukki asked silently, not lifting his eyes at Iwaizumi.

“Because you still care about him?” Oikawa shrugged, standing next to Iwa.

“It’s easy for you to tell. Kuroo cheated on Tsukishima, you know. It’s easy for you to say because you were the one who left me.” Iwaizumi glanced at Oikawa and saw how his face turned white. Okay, maybe that was a little bit too much.

“Our situation is different, but Kuroo never cheated on Tsukishima, you were the one who hurt him by disappearing.”

“Why everyone is lying to me? Damn it… Iwaizumi, can you call a taxi for me, my phone died.”

“Lying? Who is lying…?”

“Oikawa, leave him be.” Iwaizumi took out the phone to make a call, but Oikawa grabbed it before Iwa did something.

“No. Why is he acting like he was the one who suffered? Kuroo is one of my best friends, he never cheated on you neither he lied to you, well except today. He was crushed and stopped caring about himself after you left him. That’s why he always ends up in hospital.” Oikawa was speaking quickly, but he couldn’t keep calm, not when he knows the truth.

“Oikawa… we…” Iwaizumi started, but it seems that for Tsukki it was the last drop of his patient.

“I found a bra in his bed, okay??? I came to his place and when he was in the shower I found that bra under the pillow. And now you are saying that he was not cheating???” Tsukki didn’t tell this to anyone even to his friends, they just knew that Kuroo cheated on Tsukki and that he had a proof, that’s all.

“Tsukki you never told me….” Iwa looked shooked. That's a proof that even Kuroo couldn’t deny.

“So whose was it?” Oikawa’s face didn’t change.

“How I suppose to know? For me, it was enough to know, that Kuroo doesn’t wear a bra.”

“So you didn’t ask him? You just left? And all this time you were blaming him for something you are not sure?”

“Like you are the one to talk, Oikawa. Look what you have done to Iwaizumi.”

“Hey. Stop. Both of you. Damn it.” Iwaizumi grabbed on Oikawa’s shirt because it seemed that if he won't, Oikawa will punch Tsukki.

“I won’t argue. But you are wrong about Kuroo. He told to us that the night before you left him he had some kind of gender bender party with his co-workers from his part-time job. Kuroo came back home and then he had to meet you next day. Already then you were acting really strange and the next morning you just left without saying a word before he woke up. Even if Kuroo tried to find you, you changed everything, including your address.” From all these words Tsukki understood stopped listening from the third sentence.

Gender Bender party?

“First Kuroo thought that you are mad because maybe you noticed that he had a hangover, but… but that’s not a decent reason to break up with someone.”

“What. That’s…. impossible… you mean…” Tsukishima was sitting like a statue calculating everything inside his head. That’s…. bullshit… is it possible that everything was just a big misunderstanding? Tsukki suddenly jumped and ran through both of them towards the hospital. But in the middle of the way he stopped.

“Ward number 325!” Oikawa shouted before he even asked. “Well, I think one mystery has been solved. Iwa-chan?”

Just now Oikawa noticed that Iwaizumi started moving forward without him. It was hard to explain what Iwaizumi felt while listening to Oikawa a few minutes ago. Iwaizumi wanted to give Oikawa a chance to speak, Iwa wanted to make sure that he won’t regret anything, but…. The way Oikawa spoke… does he think about himself the same? That he did nothing wrong? How their situation is different? Or does he think that Iwaizumi is not hurt enough? Oikawa is blind, he can’t see shit what kind of chaos is going on inside Iwaizumi.

Tsukishima ran back inside the hospital, he used the stars, just because it seemed faster right now. All the time, he unconsciously repeated Kuroo’s ward number inside his head. Tsukki ran inside like crazy, at that second not even bothering to close the door behind him.

“Ke..i?” Kuroo silently murmured with eyes opened wide. Obviously, he didn’t expect him to come back, but Tsukki didn’t stop here. He went towards Kuroo’s bed and grabbed him on the shirt so hard that this way Tsukki even lifted Kuroo from the bed.

“Did you cheated on me or not??” he shouted, trying to catch the breath. “Tell me the truth!”

“No…” Kuroo looked right into Tsukki's eyes and didn’t even blink while answering. He couldn’t. It’s impossible. He loved Tsukki to much to hurt him that way.

Tsukki let him go. Something was stuck in his throat. Everything… everything was a lie...?

“Why…. Kei…? Why would you think you so?” Kuroo asked when Tsukki turned away a bit. Just in case Kuroo grabbed on his sleeve. Since Tsukishima came back on his own, there is no way Kuroo is letting him go.

"Tell me… is that the reason you left me? Because you thought I was cheating on you? Why… Tsukki… please… talk… I am begging you.” now Kuroo grabbed his hand and squeezed it strongly.

“That day… when I came to your place… I found bra under…. your pillow… I thought…. That you… can’t wait for me anymore… that you are meeting some else. That… I am not enough for you….” While speaking Tsukki was able to feel how heat is taking over his entire body. That’s so embarrassing, that’s something he wanted to say for so long. Especially that night, but just couldn’t find strengths. If he would have said this, everything would be different now... right?

“Tsukki… I…. oh… damn it. I didn’t want to tell you about that… because it was so embarrassing. The day before, I had a meeting with my colleges after work… and…. we were playing some drinking games, after that, I ended up dressing as a girl… I got so drunk and I was sleeping all day after that. That’s why I was a little bit late to meet you at the station…. I just dropped those clothes everywhere and… I wasn’t even thinking that you will find something… Kei… that’s the reason, you disappeared? Is that true? That’s the only reason? Kei?”

Tsukki was breathing slowly while listening to Kuroo. But he couldn’t answer. Is that the truth? Can he believe him for real? If it is, then this pain up till now – everything was Tuskki’s fault. What now?

“Kei… I never stopped loving you. I never stopped searching for you. I never… gave up.”

Tsukishima slowly turned back, until he was again facing Kuroo who was now sitting on the bed. Tsukki felt so small and so weak. Somewhere all his strengths, all his promises to keep strong were gone. Behind that shield he built, he was too sensitive. It was almost possible to hear how something is crashing inside Tsukishima.

“What… what I suppose to do…? Was it… my fault?” Tsukishima silently asked, feeling how his lower lip is trembling. What?

“Kei…” Kuroo moved a little bit forward until he was able to hug Tsukishima around the waist. Kuroo pressed his head against Tsukki's belly and sighed. “Damn it, if I fainted in the match and now I am in a coma with this perfect dream… I don’t want to wake up.”

“What are you saying? Why aren’t you mad? What I did is….”

“Not important right now…” Kuroo sighed. Tsukishima slowly put his hands on Kuroo’s head and went through his soft hair with fingers. Is that right? What he is doing now? Somehow, he finally felt strange peace inside. It’s strange that suddenly there is no pain, Tsukki was already used to live with it. He missed… he missed Kuroo so much, but somehow now, he is unable to put this into words.

“Kuroo-san… I….” he stopped here and painfully sighed. Why he can’t say it?

“Be..fore… you came… the nurse gave me… sleeping… pill…” Kuroo’s voice was a little bit deeper and he was speaking slower. “But I don’t…want to sleep now….” He tried to hug Tsukki harder but unsuccessfully.

“Sleep… we will talk later. Lay down…” Tsukishima gently took Kuroo’s arms into his and helped him to lay down on sheets. Kuroo was slowly blinking.

“Stay….”

“Yeah, I will…”

  
Tsukishima woke up form the sweet touch. He didn’t notice how he fell asleep. It seemed that he lied down head just for a bit on Kuroo’s bed, just next to his shoulder. Back pain was real and his right hand was numb but it didn’t really matter at this moment. Tsukki quickly raised his head and looked at Kuroo. What scared him a bit was tears in this black-haired man’s eyes. Why?

“Kuroo…? What’s wrong?” it’s the first time in Tsukki's life, when he actually saw tears in Kuroo’s eyes. It was a greater surprise than he thought it will be.

“I just… woke up… and saw you… and it wasn’t a dream… and I felt… happy. I don’t know… I just. Damn it, Kei. Are you mine? Are you really mine now?”

“Ku--- Tetsurou…. I never had anyone else. So… I never stopped being yours. I am… sorry. I am sorry, Tetsurou… I am sorry…” he didn’t know how many times he will have to repeat this. Even if with each time Tsukki’s voice was getting lower.

Kuroo smiled. This smile… it was different. Happy, but also painful, it was a smile of a broken heart who was just healed, who just found way back to its real home. It was sincere and beautiful. Pure and obviously it took Tsukishimas breath away. Tsukki leaned forward until his lips were just an inch from Kuroo’s. Does he have a right to do so? What will happen next? Those kisses… a few years ago it was the source of his life… will he wake up if they kiss now? Can he?

They both closed their eyes and drowned into the moment. It was like a miracle. They didn’t need to see each other just feel, remember how it is to feel these lips together. Tsukki felt Kuroo’s fingers on his cheek and he leaned even more forward. He opened mouth a little bit and let their breath to get mixed. It was so familiar, so good so warm and sweet. Tsukki could feel how Kuroo is smiling, while Tsukishima wasn’t able to feel any part of his body, he was melting here and now… like nothing changed. Exactly like before.

“Mine.” Tetsurou’s voice pierced right through Kei’s heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Bokuto x Akaashi #2


	6. Bokuto x Akaashi #2

“Bokuto-san…” Akashi froze for a second in that big bed. It can’t be a hallucination. That would be just too much. It’s a dream, it must be it. He is still drunk somewhere in the bar and Iwaizumi will wake him up now. Any second. Right? Still looking at the man standing next to the door, Akashi pressed blanket between his fingers. Why it feels so real? Invisible hand squeezed Ahaashi’s heart to the point where he couldn't breathe.

“So… you just gonna stare like this?” Finally, Bokuto spoke and sighed. “I brought you some painkillers.” He stepped inside the room with a glass of water and pill. Akashi was so concentrated studying man’s face, that he didn’t see what was in Bokuto's hand at first.

Bokuto put the glass and pill on the table next to the bed and looked at closed curtains. Now Akaashi was sure, Bokuto is avoiding to look him in the eyes. Well, that’s not strange. And still, it wasn’t clear why he woke up in Bokuto’s bed. Oh no…

“Did we… did something happened?” Akashi silently asked, still holding on the blanket as strong as before, just to make sure that Bokuto won’t see that his whole body started to tremble. The man in front of him looked so calm almost relaxed. Yet. Akashi has never seen Bokuto looking so serious before. It was something new but at the same time unknown and a little bit scary.

“Something?” Bokuto let a short sound out. It wasn’t a laugh but sounded offensive enough for Akashi to press his lips into a narrow line. “What could have possibly happened?”

“I… I don’t know…” Akaashi suddenly felt so stupid for asking this question. His head felt heavy, but not from a hangover. Bokuto was so close, Akashi could have reached him just like that, touch and make sure that it’s not just one of his nightmares. But somehow he still couldn’t move.

“Of course you don’t…” maybe a smile on Bokuto’s lips after these words hurt even more than the sound he made before. No, this person… this person is not Bokuto that Akaashi used to know. It’s a mistake. Something is odd here. “You can take a rest for a bit until painkillers start to work. Your clothes are in the bathroom. Make sure that you close the door after leaving.” Bokuto sighed and turned around, he started moving towards the door. Disappearing. Again. Akaashi moved, he leaned forward, as if he was trying to reach that man… what he should say, to make Bokuto stay a little bit longer? Just a bit. Until Akaashi will be able to see the same person he loved.

“How I ended up here? Did you follow me and Iwaizumi? Or did Daichi tell you where to search for me?” Before Akaashi could figure out words, he was already speaking. Without thinking. But it must be the truth, how else he ended up here?

Bokuto stopped. He grabbed on the door jamb and pressed it hard between his fingers. How. How dares Akaashi ask something like this. He doesn’t know… he doesn’t have a clue how much it hurts. He… is so selfish.

“Why should I search for you?” Slowly Bokuto turned around and their eyes finally met. The feeling that pierced Akaashi’s heart was sharp like a knife, opening a wound inside the chest. Making it start bleeding in the way he never thought it’s possible to bleed. What he has done to this man? “Why I would waste my time for that? You don’t mean that much to me.” Bokuto’s words were clear, his voice didn’t tremble even once. Like it was nothing. To say that kind of words.

Oh. So… that’s how it is. Akaashi couldn’t be mad. He was the one who left Bokuto. With no explanation. With no chance… Bokuto… he hasn’t done anything wrong. But Akaashi was trying to protect himself, from the things that might happen in the future. He thought… that this way he will give Bokuto freedom. Right to create some meaning in his life. Akaashi thought of himself just as of some drive through road, some part that must be deleted. He knew that the day when Bokuto decides to leave him might come sooner or later. And he wanted to avoid this pain. Akaashi thought that he will be able to leave Bokuto as just some kind of part of his life that has ended. But… after two years, feelings just grew stronger. To be honest, this thought was in his head for a while already, that… actually, it was just a matter of time when he comes back to Bokuto. But now… somehow it just doesn’t make sense anymore. This man, his words…. and this sharp pain, it’s like… Bokuto became someone else.

“Actually...”

Bokuto turned back to Akaashi. At first, he planned just go away, but something inside him started boiling. He really wanted to come closer and just shake Akaashi’s body really hard. Yell him in the face all of those feelings and then hug him. Hug him and cry, until there will be nothing left inside. But… Akaashi was just sitting here, looking so cold. Like seeing Bokuto after all these years would be piece of cake. Everything for Akaashi was completely forgotten. Until now, Bokuto never stopped asking himself. Why. Why he did that to him? Where did he go wrong? Was he too stupid for Akaashi? Did he make him feel uncomfortable? Was he too childish? Did he get tired of him? Probably. So now… now Akaashi should be happy seeing what Bokuto has become. Right? Is that what he wanted?

“Actually… you were the one who came to my door totally wasted. I could have left you outside, you know.” Bokuto tried to stand clam. He also wanted to say how he took care of Akaashi. How he took off clothes with care, cleaned and put him to the bed. How Bokuto washed his sweater and jacket which were covered in vomit. And how he stayed up half of the time to make sure that Akaashi won’t get sick. But Bokuto wasn’t able to say any of this. Not while looking at that face made from glass. To be honest, Bokuto wanted to hurt him… He wanted to say something so bad, that would hurt same. Why he was the only one in pain? Why didn’t he have a right to hear an explanation?

“…. Ha… right. Why… why should I come here? You are lying.” Akaashi laughed, but then held his breath. So Bokuto just should have left him outside. Why he took Akaashi in if he doesn’t care? Inside his heart, Akaashi perfectly knew that Bokuto isn’t lying. First of all, there was no point for him to lie and second… maybe somewhere in deep sleeping memory, Akaashi remembered telling to taxi driver Bokuto’s home address.

“I am lying? I am… lying?” For Bokuto it was the last drop. If only Akaashi would have said something different if only he didn’t say anything at all. Maybe… it wouldn't have ended like this. “GET OUT!” this scream from Bokuto’s mouth was like an explosion. “GET OUT NOW!!”

From all of the things, this was the last that Akaashi expected to hear. He flinched from this unknown voice and jumped right away. To be honest, it’s scared him to the last bone. Just in one second, his eyes were full of tears and finally because he let go of the blanket, hands were shaking like never before. He wanted to ask for clothes, but it was impossible, so Akaashi just grabbed first things he found on the floor and quickly moved forward. The view was blurry and one part of him still hopped that Bokuto will take his words back. That the man is not kicking him out right now just in his underwear. But Bokuto didn’t say anything else, and Akaashi had to run from this straggling silence. He slammed the door and put on stuff he picked from the floor. Some T-shirt and trousers. They were full of Bokuto’s smell. Full of those last words he screamed with all possible pain in his voice. Akaashi wondered if his last words two years ago sounded exactly the same to Bokuto? Is that what he was trying to say? That time, when Akaashi hung up the phone… was it like a scream? Akaashi couldn’t hold it anymore, he burst into the tears, at the same time trying to move from here as fast as it was possible.

Bokuto… who are you? What happened?

What has he done…?

 

 

* * *

 

  
_It was the end of the world. Your last call to me. I can still hear your silent whisper as you say goodbye. I can still feel how you push me away from the spot where I thought I will stand all my life. Spot next to you. I thought I am the one you need. The one you want. I thought that it means more to you. More which I was never able to show… that more which you deserve… that more which left the abyss with the silence on the other side of the phone. It was your will and I tried to respect it. I tried to cry less, thinking that this decision made you happy. That you left me in order to start something. I didn’t stalk you, I didn’t search even if I perfect knew where you are. I loved you and I stepped away. It broke me to pieces, it ripped me apart. Without you, silly jokes, smile and showing off seemed pointless. I didn’t want to grow up, because I knew you will always be there. But without your existence, I didn’t have another choice. So now, I am here. Grown-up. As you wanted me to be, right? Here I am. Shouldn't you be smiling for me? Wasn’t it your dream to see me like this? Wasn’t it the reason why you left me? So why…. Why you are sitting here, crying your eyes out? Holding on me like a child who lost his mother? Making me feel guilty for the things you have done? Why… Do you look in so much pain?_

“Kotarou…” Akaashi pressed Bokuto’s hand harder. His fingers were warm. These fingers… that he missed to the core.

He never called Bokuto by his first name before. It felt really strange, especially after all this time. What can he say to him? Why Daichi thinks that he can fix everything? Why he would do that? Why he is the one… who must sort things out? Yet.

Slowly Bokuto squatted in front of Akaashi.

“Your face is a mess…” he said and wanted to use his hand to wipe tears of Akaashi’s face, but was in time to stop himself. Also, Akaashi didn’t let him go. Other hand Bokuto used to hold on the bench.

“I… don’t care about that. I…” Akaashi sighed, it hurt so much that words just slipped through his lips. “I care… only about you, Kotarou…”

“What are you saying… you probably don’t even….”

“No… no no no, please… I need you.” For Akaashi to say something like that, was almost impossible, he didn’t know where from he is taking strengths for this. But… it’s time for him to make priorities. “It’s okay… it’s okay… if you can’t look at me the way you used to look. I know it’s my fault… and I know it’s really selfish to ask this. But… I really need you to be beside me. I can’t anymore… I am tired to pretend that I don’t care…” Somehow it was good to let these words out, after holding them inside for so long.

“All these years I was asking myself the same over and over again… Why? I was blaming you and blaming myself at the same time. But maybe that was my mistake. There is no one to blame, right? You did what you have to do… you did what you wanted to do. For the first time in your life, you thought about yourself. And yet… seeing you so cold towards me. It was too much… because to me it hurt. And it still hurts. I don’t really understand what I can do… what do you want me to do? And what will change?”

Akaashi finally lifted his head and for the first time, after two long years, he finally saw Bokuto’s eyes from so close. That shining hazel color. Rich amber and his whole universe. He never thought that this warm color can be so sad at the same time. He wants. He wants to press his body against Bokuto’s so much, he wants to hold him and say sorry. Apologize for everything he has done… and for everything he didn’t. But words… it won’t be enough. Akaashi is sure, Bokuto can forgive for any words he said… but will he ever forget the feeling? Is it possible to forget that kind of pain?

“I don’t know…” Akaashi mumbled, and when Bokuto sighed trying to release his hand, Akaashi just pressed it harder. “I don’t know what it will take for you to forgive me. But I will do anything.” Akaashi finished his sentence and his whole body shivered when Bokuto suddenly kneeled on the ground.  
“Am not mad… it’s not like that. Everything is different now. You… me… there is nothing left. I can’t find something that we both lost long ago. You do understand?” Bokuto asked. It was getting harder and harder to speak. Especially lie.

“You… “Does Akaashi have a right to ask something like that? He is acting like an imbecilic. “Are you seeing someone?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Oh… that… I am happy.” Akaashi let down his eyes and shivered again when tears started coming out. He thought that it won’t hurt, but it burns. It kills him.

“Then why are you crying? Is it from happiness?” Bokuto silently laughed, but he was also just one step from crying. It’s hard, it shouldn’t be like this. But it is.

“Can I still be selfish and ask you to stay with me?”

Bokuto didn’t answer just nodded. He got up, also helped Akaashi to stand up. He was really looking like a child who was just scolded for a bad behavior. Bokuto couldn’t do anything… he loves him. He loves Akaashi to the last part of that body, from those swollen eyes until those trembling fingers, which were still holding on him. He shouldn’t have shouted… what if he would have just stayed with him until the morning, hugging? What if they had woken up like this? Together, holding on each other? Maybe then hurting words wouldn’t be needed? They were going in silence, holding hands, but looking at different directions. Just on the subway Bokuto took a chance to look through Akaashi’s appearance. He had to admit, that man looked good in those clothes even if they were a little bit too big for Akaashi. But that’s how Bokuto would have imagined him walking around their apartment every morning.

“You should really take that pill and take a rest,” Bokuto said when they came back to his place. Akaashi didn’t say a word, he took off his shirt and sat on the bed. How skinny he is… almost unhealthy. Bokuto could be sure, that Akaashi is not playing volleyball anymore.

“Is that person… nice to you? He loves you?” Akaashi asked. It was hard to say these words, hard to think about it. Even if Bokuto agreed to stay with him, it won’t last forever. Their forever is lost long ago.

“You don’t need to think about that. Not now. Really. Here…” Bokuto gave him a pill and a glass of water that it would be easier to swallow. “Try to sleep I will be in the kitchen.” He left the room and Akaashi was just staring at the same spot. Here it is. Bokuto disappeared. So it was a dream after all. Akaashi took his phone from the pocket and wrote a message to Suga:

_Bokuto is dating someone…_

He wanted to write something more, but the view got blurry again and he couldn’t. Akaashi sent a message and slowly laid his head on the bed. At least this room is full of Bokuto’s sent. Until the last drop. Just, for now, he can pretend that everything today ended up differently.

Bokuto came to the kitchen and sat at the table. What a mess. Why he lied that he has someone? Did he want Akaashi to feel guilty? Jealous or what? What an idiot… He softly hit the head at the table and froze. He still couldn’t understand until the end why Akaashi left him, but for some reason, he wants Bokuto by his side again. Finally, he admitted it. Showed his real emotions and didn’t try to pretend that he doesn’t care. Bokuto touched lips with the fingers that Akaashi was holding just a moment ago, it’s like he can almost feel how he is trembling.

He suddenly flinched when the phone started ringing in the pocket. What now? It was Daichi. He probably wants to know what happened. Or probably Suga made him call. So they are really together again? Why can it be so simple for Bokuto too? The man picked up but didn’t say anything.

“I can’t believe that you can be such Drama Queen. Why?” Daichi’s voice was almost tired. Like father’s who have lost the hope about his son.

“What do you mean...?”

“Why did you lie that you are dating someone?”

“I don’t know… I just…. Oh…. Man I really don’t know. Damn it. Wait. How do you know???”

“He is probably crying in some park again now.”

“No… Akaashi is sleeping in my room.”

“Well… oh wait, Suga wants to say something…. Boookuto-san, please don’t be mad at Akaashi too much. It was hard for him too. I know that you are hurt, but… I also know that you have a kind heart, so please hear him out.”

“Yeah… of course. Bye.” Bokuto hung up, before those two, who were truly a parent material, said something more.

“You will hurt your back if you sleep like this. Bokuto….” This voice made open eyes. Did he really just pass out on the kitchen table? Akaashi was standing half-naked next to the door, holding his hands behind back. Damn it, Bokuto was not ready for this view. And he is calling him by the last name again.

“You want coffee?” Bokuto slowly stood up and turned his back at Akaashi. Calm down.

“Yes…. Thank you.”

Bokuto looked at the phone, he slept at least for three hours. There were some new messages in the group chat, but now it’s not a time to read those. On the other hand…

“Akaashi…” he turned around and the man was closer than Bokuto expected, it seems that Akaashi was standing behind him, so now there was just one step separating them from each other. Bokuto lost his thoughts for a second. This body… why it seems so weak? It was begging for touches that Bokuto can’t give. Or…

“Wh-what…?” Akaashi also didn’t expect Bokuto to turn around so quickly so he froze from surprise and… felt how heat is going through all his body from that intense stare. Right into the cheeks. It burns.

“Can you just tell me… the reason? I know that now nothing will change… but… I just need to know. Was it me? Did I hurt you?” Bokuto couldn’t explain why, but while saying these words he moved even closer and Akaashi stepped back until he bumped at the fridge.

“No… you… you did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong Bokuto… You… didn’t.” Akaashi held his breath when Bokuto slowly leaned forward and placed his head on Akaashi’s shoulder. It wasn’t heavy, but the feeling was hard, it felt like some stone fell on the heart. Too hard to bear alone. Was Bokuto carrying this intoxicating feeling all the time? “Forgive me… Kotarou… you did nothing wrong.” Slowly Akaashi raised his hands and hugged him. Finally, he was able to let fingers in those beloved silver hair, touch them. The feeling was the same as before, running through is veins and making dizzy. With another hand, Akaashi grabbed Bokuto’s shirt and pressed between fingers. Bokuto is like a child… he really is. This Bokuto, Akaashi loves more than anything else in this world. This lost child, who always asks for attention. He deserves love. He deserves everything that is best.

“Then why… why… Akaashi…. why…. It was easy for you to stop loving me?” Bokuto raised his head and took Akaashi’s face between his hands. He needs answers. He really does.

“I never… stopped loving you.” Akaashi’s lips moved slowly, he didn’t even make a sound. Bokuto leaned a little bit more and that made Akaashi’s heart almost jump out of the chest. “You… can’t… Kotarou.” Even if he wanted, but…. If Bokuto is seeing someone, that would be unfair.

“But you can… you can make this pain disappear.” Bokuto closed his eyes and it was a sign. There is nothing that they can do to stop this.

Akaashi breathed out hot air on Bokuto’s lips and kissed him. Tasted. Captured. Devoted. Akaashi moaned from pleasure and without any higher intentions moved his fingers under Bokuto’s shirt. These muscles. This body he knows too well. Only these lines were his map through life. How… he was able to give up on everything?

“Keiji… My Keiji…” Bokuto pressed Akaashi’s face harder and made the kiss deeper, with the tip of his tongue remembering everything that he thought he lost forever. “Only mine…”

“Kotarou!” Akaashi suddenly flinched when he felt tears. Bokuto burst into tears so suddenly, that this scared man to the core. Bokuto…? Crying? He wanted to look at him, but Bokuto’s hands didn’t let him. They were holding Akaashi strongly pressed against the chest. They both started sliding down until they were sitting on the ground. Akaashi holding Bokuto in his arms, while was resting head on Akaashi’s chest.

Bokuto’s hair falling on his face and eyes, his strong jawline and soft lips. Akaashi was running through them back and forward those lines, kissing his forehead time to time. They have never done something like this before. When they were together people around saw only happiness and Bokuto wasn’t the one from those who would show their soft part. Akaashi always wondered does he even have a weak side, or Bokuto is just too strong? Sometimes Akaashi was even a bit jealous of it. And here it is. After all these years, he is holding this broken man. Finally seeing this side of beloved man… and that didn’t make him happy at all.

“Was it because of another man?” Bokuto asked after almost million years of silence. Of course, it just seemed this way.

“No… there was one else. Just you.”

“Really? Just me…?” Bokuto moved he looked up and Akaashi slowly slid down until he was fully lying on the floor. Bokuto looked at that body from above, pale skin, white as paper. So touchable, so kissable. Is it possible that nobody touched it for two years? Bokuto slowly reached Akaashi’s chest with his fingertips and all his body shivered in response.

“Touch me… Kotarou…” Akaashi bit his own finger when man above him slid down until the abs.

“But I can’t…” Despite the words, Bokuto’s hand didn’t stop, it moved even more down. Akaashi closed eyes and bent his back, letting out a silent moan. When he looked up again, Bokuto was on him. His weight, his strong body, voice, and touch – everything that Akaashi desired for all this time. Bokuto pressed lips to Akaashi’s ear and licked it.

“Touch me… I am begging you. Kotarou… I….” Akaashi gasped when Bokuto’s hand went under his underwear and touched it. Hard and hot. Akaashi was already melting. That second it didn’t matter anymore, he would have given everything to become one with Bokuto again. He would have agreed to go through all kind of pain.

It’s a dream. It must be a dream.

“If I wake up now… that will be too much to handle…” Bokuto sighed softly biting Akaashi’s neck and then searching a way through his lips again. Connect. Feel. Heal. Live.

Akaashi couldn’t agree more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally moving to the chapter about Iwaizumi x Oikawa #2, for me personally, their story seemed the most painful. I mean the reason why Oikawa left, I think from some hints in previous chapters you can try to guess what happened.  
> Anyway, I am happy that almost all my boys are finally together, even if there are some unclear parts left, but we will go through it. I can't wait to write some sexy scenes, finally! >:3


	7. Iwaizumi x Oikawa #2

“Ward number 325!” Oikawa shouted at Tsukishima‘s back. “Well, I think one mystery has been solved. Iwa-chan?”

Just now Oikawa noticed that Iwaizumi started moving forward without him. It was hard to explain what Iwaizumi felt while listening to Oikawa a few minutes ago. Iwaizumi wanted to give Oikawa a chance to speak, Iwa wanted to make sure that he won’t regret anything, but…. The way Oikawa spoke… does he think about himself the same? That he did nothing wrong? How their situation is different? Or does he think that Iwaizumi is not hurt enough? Oikawa is blind, he can’t see shit what kind of chaos is going on inside Iwaizumi.

“I came here by car,” Oikawa silently spoke when he caught up to Iwa. How fast this person can go?? Probably Iwaizumi could start to fly if he wanted to get away from Oikawa.

“Alright, this way it will be faster.” After the talk with Tsukishima, Iwa started regretting his decisions. Why did he think that Oikawa can change? Of course, he is still thinking just about himself. And he even has a car. Isn’t this life too good for a student?

“Are you in the rush to get away for me?” Oikawa spoke again when he started driving.

“You wanted to talk. That’s it. After that… I won’t need anything else from you.” Iwaizumi shrugged. Why he was so dumb? Just for one second, he believed that Oikawa is honestly regretting. He came back to the hospital, but here they are again, separated by an invisible wall.

“And what if you change your mind?” Oikawa asked. That made Iwa look at his side for a second.

“That won’t change what you have done.”

“Probably you are right.”

Not probably. Iwaizumi knows that he is right. The rest of the way they remained silent. Just Oikawa few times swore silently because of the people who don’t know how to drive. Iwa could imagine that Oikawa is holding himself back. They stopped in front of some apartment complex and Iwa again thought about the life that Oikawa has. At least it seems that he is not in a bad condition. Before the end for everything, Iwaizumi was somehow glad to find this out.

“Alright, speak.” When they came in Iwa took off his shoes and looked at Oikawa.

“At least let’s go to the living room…” Oikawa didn’t even glance at Iwa's side but hoped that Iwaizumi didn’t come all the way just to run. “Follow me.”

Iwaizumi was standing still for a little bit longer. Of course, nothing like this would have happened if he hasn't returned to the hospital. What he was thinking about? That after two years some magical talk can solve everything? Iwaizumi is not like Tsukishima who was fooled by his jealousy and not like Suga, who could forgive for someone who broke his heart into shreds… and Akaashi… not even like him. Iwaizumi couldn’t deny, he was still in love with Oikawa, but that didn’t change much. Two years… more than 730 days… days of constant thoughts about the person, who probably wasn't even worth it. Iwa just wanted to end it. That’s why he is here, right? That’s why he came back? Of course. There is no other reason.

The apartment was spacious and luxurious, definitely not the one where a student should live. Probably Oikawa’s parents are still helping him around. Obviously, he is only volunteering in the hospital, so there is no way that he could pay all the living expenses.

“Sit down,” Oikawa said when Iwaizumi entered the living room.

“Don’t order me around. Just tell me what you wanted and I will leave.” Iwaizumi answered. He didn’t move from the spot.

Was he stubborn? Maybe. Or probably he is just too hurt by Oikawa to give up so easily. Honestly, if he sits down, probably he won’t be able to get up. That would be trouble. The longer he stays here, the more reasons not to leave he will find. And that would be unforgivable. For the sake of remains of dignity that he still has.

“Then why you came back? Why did you call me by name? Why did you touch me? That you could hear a report and continue living your life? Just to satisfy your curiosity? Hajime, don’t be ridiculous.” Oikawa sat on the coffee table and tried to keep his cool smile. But Iwaizumi noticed that how his lips trembles while speaking. He called him by the first name just now. Why? Iwa tried to ignore that.

“You are the one ridiculous here, Oikawa.” He sighed. “You again try to put all the blame on me. Yet, you are the one who left me. For a reason or not, I don’t care anymore. You want to know why I came back?” Iwaizumi sighed. It’s so funny to listen. Oikawa didn’t change even a bit. Still acted like he would be a king for everyone.

“Why…?” he whispered like a child who couldn’t understand an obvious fact.

“Because I want to stop thinking about you. I want you to be gone from my head for good. And if talking with you is the only thing I can do, I will do so. It’s been so long, what do expect from me? I want to finish today everything.” Iwa spoke clearly, but deep inside he knew what most of it it’s a lie. Even if he can’t admit it. “I am sorry if it seemed for you differently.” He added.

The silence lasted for more than ten seconds and then Oikawa laughed. First silently and then louder and louder, until he was holding on his stomach and leaning forward. Iwaizumi didn’t move, probably it’s a natural reaction for someone who was working all night. Maybe it’s not even a good time to talk?

“Iwa-chan… hahahaha….” Oikawa kept giggling. He tried to breathe in the air, but couldn’t. That desperate sound kept coming from his mouth until it slowly begun to turn into a panic. Oikawa covered his face.

“I probably should just leave.” Iwaizumi sighed because this wasn’t going anywhere. What he was expecting? That this will be a silent normal talk between two adults? Things with Oikawa doesn’t work that way.

“Leave?... Leave….” Oikawa painfully grabbed on his hair and uncovered one half of his face. Eyes were full of tears. He let himself to be fooled. After all this night, he thought that Iwa wants him back. He thought their life from the past is not completely lost. That somehow, little by little, they can recover. He believed that… Iwa still cares. All those words that Iwa said at night… gave Oikawa a hope that even such jerk as he can have another chance.

“Oh no… don’t you dare.” It was enough for Iwa to see Oikawa’s face and those eyes, which were full of pity for himself. “Don’t you dare, bastard!!!” He suddenly raised his voice and stepped forward.

Just with few moves, he was already in front of Oikawa. Iwaizumi grabbed on his shirt and lifted the man's body. Like always Iwa couldn’t control his strength but this time he did it on purpose. He wanted to shake Oikawa with force. How he dares to cry??? How???

“You are right!!!” Oikawa shouted almost as loud as Iwaizumi. He had to grab on Iwa’s hands because he couldn’t hold himself. “I was never worth to have you!! I am a fucking bastard! I left you! And I would do the same again! Because there is nothing more important…. There is nothing more important than you… Iwa…” Oikawa's voice crushed, and he let the head down. It hurt to speak like that. But Iwaizumi was wrong, Oikawa lost his pride long ago.

“What are you saying?? Don’t tell me you left me because of some insecurities that you didn’t even confirm? That’s just absurd! Your words don’t even make sense. And then you dare to give Tsukishima a lecture on how he needs to act! It’s gross… I can’t fucking believe.” With these words, Iwa let Oikawa down. If Oikawa had said just a word more, Iwa would have punched him right into that perfect face.

Oikawa fell on the table and didn’t move. Iwaizumi’s hands were trembling. What now? It seems that he found an answer. This shitty answer he was looking for so long… and still, Iwa couldn’t believe that it turned out to be so ridiculous. Insecurities... Because of what? What Iwa did wrong? They were together from childhood… through all the years in school. What… what made Oikawa change his mind one day?

“Why… why you left me?” Iwaizumi asked silently. He was still hoping that the real answer is different. “Why… Oikawa… please answer why…?”

“Why...? Why do you want to know if my answer won’t change anything? Why I have to speak? I better will keep silent if that means that you stay with me for a little bit longer.” He murmured silently.

“How… how can you ask that? Tooru.” After hearing his name, Oikawa lifted teary eyes to Iwaizumi. “You were the one who left me, you turned my feelings to dust. Why you want me to stay? What changed your mind? Why are you acting so selfish? How can you ask… I don’t understand…. I don’t think I want to understand you anymore.”

Just in this period of time, they already asked so many questions. But there were no answers. But Iwa… Iwa came here just to hear them. He wanted to find peace… he just wanted to keep living. Iwaizumi thought that Oikawa wants the same.

But Iwa had enough. He can’t. He can’t keep silent. If Oikawa thinks that there is nothing wrong with his actions, then he is crazy. Iwa stepped back until there was a wall behind his back. He slowly slid down, until he was able to sit. He didn’t want to say this at first. He wanted to keep this inside the heart until the last days. Just remember his first love and how much pain it gave to him. Just leave it as an unpleasant memory, which with days will fade away. But…

“That morning when I woke and you were gone. Then it started to rain inside me… to rain so badly and that toxic water contaminated the body. It was like the all perfect schemes of my life were broken into pieces. That day I lost everything. Not just you, but so much more… It was hard for me to open eyes every morning. I didn’t want to spend any day without seeing you. You were a part of my life for so long that I didn’t know how to keep living without you. You didn’t leave a thing… any explanation or instruction on how to live. How to live my life when you are gone, Oikawa? How I fucking suppose to know when you always were the first thought I had? And worse than that I kept hearing your voice in the morning like you were still singing in that damn shower… I still thought I saw you standing by the window. You were gone, but you kept appearing in my dreams… I was thinking of you every day… every day… torturing myself. I hated you for leaving me. But I kept loving you. I love you, Oikawa… I don’t remember what I said tonight in the hospital, but probably all of it was the truth. I love you so much… but I don’t want to… I don’t want to love you anymore… why can’t you just set me free? Why? I am begging you… I can’t live like that anymore.” Iwa closed face with hands and sighed.

Iwaizumi had these thoughts for years, it’s not something he could run from. But he never thought that the day will come when he says everything out loud. He never thought he is capable to say such words. Iwaizumi was always very conservative. He wasn’t sentimental at all, nor he could show a lot of emotions except for anger. But look what Oikawa has done to him. Look how pathetic he became. He even admitted everything… everything after so long. But why it still hurts?

“Iwa-chan…”

Iwaizumi heard the voice when Oikawa was in front of him. But he was too embarrassed to look at the man. Oikawa just won again. Now he knows what Iwa feels for real. What an embarrassment.

“Iwa-chan…” he took Iwaizumi’s hands and tried to move from his face.

“No… let me go. Oikawa… I am begging you, stop making fun of me. Fuck...” He answered, but actually Iwa felt too vulnerable, too weak. Just when Oikawa made him lay the hands on the belt of his jeans, Iwa almost flinched. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Take them off… take off my jeans.” Oikawa wasn’t looking at Iwaizumi.

“You are insane… I don’t need this! You don’t understand---“

“Just take them off!!” Oikawa shouted, but still didn’t look at him. “You wanted an answer, right??!!”

Answer? What it has to do with taking off Oikawa’s jeans? Or maybe one part of Iwaizumi already knew the answer, he just didn’t want to admit. He could have refused and just pushed Oikawa away, but probably this intimacy played its part. Iwaizumi slowly loosen the belt and then touched the crotch. Oikawa's lips went to a narrow line. But it didn’t look like a pleasure. He was too tense… like the thing that Iwaizumi was doing, was against Oikawa’s will. The button and zipper… Iwaizumi’s fingers were trembling. This simple action was taking forever. Finally, Iwaizumi grabbed on the jeans material and started pulling them down. His heart almost froze from this sensation. It’s been so long when he saw Oikawa’s pale skin… Iwaizumi still remembers how soft it was, how he loved to touch it with his lips, leave marks on Oikawa's tights. But how this supposed to give him an answer?

“Wait…” Oikawa stopped him when jeans were just a little bit above his knees. “It’s… it’s… different… a little bit. It’s cold and… it might scare you… just… wanted to warn you.”

“What are you talking about?” Iwaizumi blinked.

“My… my… leg.”

After his words, something inside Iwaizumi stopped working. Just with one move, he dragged jeans down completely and then he saw it. Oikawa’s right leg. From the knee down it was… different. Color, view, material… it was completely.... artificial.

“But...it… it was… nothing more than pain from old injury… how…” Iwa wasn’t disgusted or even surprised. Just scared. Scared to the core. When did it happen? Where was he??

“It was a thrombus. It happened… one day on my way back from practice. And even if I ended up in hospital, they couldn’t find it for too long. When they finally removed it… my muscles were dead. I either had to live with the pain or remove the leg.”

“What??? When it happened?? Where was I???” Iwaizumi couldn’t believe that he didn’t notice.

“It happened during the holidays on the first year of uni. You were gone with your family for a week… I decided to keep the leg… but just… not for long. Pain… the pain was killing me, Iwa. Even if I succeeded to hide it from you almost for two weeks. But then one morning… I couldn’t do it anymore. So I took my stuff and left.” Oikawa finally looked at Iwaizumi eyes. “After the surgery, my parents sent me to Europe for rehabilitation… there I also continued my studies… I came back to Japan just a half year ago.”

Half a year?? Oikawa told to Iwaizumi that he tried to search for him at their old apartment half a year ago. Was it the time, when Oikawa just came back? But that doesn’t explain a lot. It doesn’t explain Oikawa’s decision to hide everything.

“But… why? Why you did this? Why you hid it from me? Why you were suffering alone? Why did you leave me aside?” All emotions were gone from Iwaizumi’s head. Just his hand unconsciously touched that still unknown part of Oikawa’s body.

The man didn’t even flinch. Oikawa doesn’t feel anything, right? It was cold… but more than that, Iwaizumi felt guilty for this. He thought that he didn’t deserve the feeling. But it overtook him to the core. How he didn’t notice that Oikawa was in so much pain? How he can say that he loves Oikawa if he couldn’t see the pain of the beloved one?

“Because… I wanted to be perfect for you. I thought I could continue living with my leg… but the pain was too much. I swear… it felt like my leg was burning all the time. Nothing…. Helped me. Pain killers were pointless… I couldn’t stay with you once I decided to become damaged for my own sake. I was afraid… that once you find out… you will…”

“Leave you? Do you think I am such a person??”

“No… not leave. I thought that you will start pitting me. I don’t want anyone’s pity. Especially yours. And I was so afraid that you won’t be able to look at me like you used to do. I swear… I haven’t stopped thinking of you even for a day. But when I came back and understood that you moved forward without me… somehow I didn’t feel better at all. But I was a coward. I still am…. That’s why I couldn’t call you… or write to you. What if my condition one day becomes the reason why you are staying with me?” Oikawa wanted to resist, but he couldn’t because Iwa was so close, after all this time. He reached the man’s short hair and let fingers slide through them.

“But… but you kept talking with others? Kuroo? Sawamura? Probably Bokuto too?” after hearing Oikawa’s part in this story, Iwaizumi still kept looking something to hold on. Something that would make the guilt just a little bit lighter.

“Yes… I did. They are not you. They will never be so important to me.”

“And you think that you were perfect until that moment?”

“Of course I was perfect. Everything was perfect. Until the last detail. You. You were perfect. But when I was damaged… do I deserve to have a perfect thing in my life?”

“What a shitty explanation… you idiot. Oikawa… let me enlighten you then. You weren’t perfect. You were the most imperfect thing in my life…” Iwaizumi’s hand slid the leg up until he touched the real skin. Then Oikawa finally gave his reaction. His whole body shivered with the touch of Iwa’s fingers. He sighed and bit the lip. “But that’s why… I love you. That’s why I couldn’t give up.”

“Iwa-chan… Oh no… no.” He shook head and slowly leaned forward until he was able to straddle Iwa’s legs. Without any invitation, Oikawa sat down on him, but Iwa’s hand remained on his tight. His fingers were so soft. So… familiar.

“Tell me… how bad it was… Tooru.” Iwaizumi asked when Oikawa laid the head on his shoulder.

“This night… I wasn't supposed to work… but I saw you in that street. And you called my name. Just like this… you called my name and started to cry like a child… Iwa, there’s nothing more than I want to hear. I… shouldn't have left you. No… I should have said you the truth. But… I didn’t. And it turned into my own agony. Going through pain and rehabilitation without you next to me. For the few months, I was waking up from the pain in my right leg… even if I didn’t have it already. I used to hug the pillow as strong as I could and think about you. What would you say? What would you do? Iwa-chan… I wanted you to be proud of me… I wanted to be the most perfect to you… but with every day the pain was more and more unbearable. Not the pain because of my leg. But the pain of the thoughts about you… the thought that you might be able to continue living without me.”

As Oikawa kept speaking, he wrapped arms around Iwaizumi’s neck. Iwa was too shaken to think about Oikawa’s actions. And Oikawa… he wanted just this. All this time… he was dreaming that finally, he will be able to hug Iwa like this again. His Iwa-chan.

“Iwa-chan… I am sorry…” At first, when they just met in the hospital, Oikawa tried to act cool, he tried to hide how much he also has been hurt. But now… when he had shown the soul in front of Iwaizumi, there was no reason to pretend anymore.

“Yeah…” Iwaizumi finally also slowly hugged Oikawa’s body.

“Does it change something?” Oikawa silently asked.

“No…” he answered. It doesn’t change that Iwa had to go through that whole pain. It doesn’t change the fact that Oikawa left. This won’t delete those lonely nights. It doesn’t change anything at all… yet.

“Oh. Then… why? ” Oikawa was so full of himself that he waited for a different answer. But then why Iwaizumi’s hands are still holding him?

“I wonder why… maybe because you are so imperfect… even more than before. And that’s the reason why I love you.” Iwaizumi’s hand lifted Oikawa’s shirt until the man raised hands and Iwaizumi was able to take it off. He didn’t come here today for this. He didn’t want that. He wanted to hear the answer and leave. He wanted to find peace. Yet… it’s been so long since he felt so good.

Once he dropped Oikawa’s shirt on the ground, Iwa slowly ran through his body with fingertips. What a smooth skin, what wonderful body lines… what an ecstasy. Iwaizumi moved down until the lowest part, where fingers went down under Oikawa’s underwear.

“It’s been so long… I don’t know… if I can… take you…” Oikawa whispered. Not because he was embarrassed but because his body was almost throbbing from pleasure. These hands. They are touching him for real… after all this time, they are captivating until the last part of his skin. Iwaizumi licked fingers of his one hand and then went back to Oikawa's lower part. So that… belongs only to him? No one else touched Oikawa?

“Then why… why they go so easily inside? Tooru, are you playing with yourself… thinking about me?” Iwa laid his lips on Oikawa’s ear and smiled through the tears when he heard silent Oikawa’s moan.

Why all of this makes those tears to come out? Is it from happiness? Pain? Regret? Or relief?? Iwaizumi pushed fingers deeper and that made Oikawa let his nails into Iwaizumi’s skin. He was never able to reach so deep inside… no matter what he has done… it never felt so good as it feels now.

“Iwa…” he cried from a strange pleasure. His body responded to a familiar move. It still remembers how Iwaizumi used to touch him, even Oikawa’s hips knew how to move to reach those parts that felt good. Oikawa slid with his hands down until he touched Iwa’s crotch. The man lifted his whole body and dragged Iwa’s pants down the hips, together with underwear. They shouldn’t rush. They shouldn’t be doing this today. They should talk… figure out. They should take things slow.

“Tooru… We… we should stop.” Iwaizumi said out loud Oikawa’s thoughts when the man took Iwa’s hard thing into his hand and Oikawa pressed the body closer to Iwa’s. He was looking at the man from above.

“Yes… let’s stop…” he answered and placed free hand on Iwa’s cheek.

“And just talk….”

“Mhm….”

Iwaizumi took fingers out and Oikawa let him go. They were just staring at each other with tears in their eyes and then Oikawa slowly let his body down. First, he pressed his forehead against Iwaizumi's and then… then he felt the breathtaking pressure inside. It was hot, hard and intoxicating. It was painful, but at the same time so fragilely intense.

“Oh… shit…” Iwaizumi closed his eyes. He thought he will cum right away. He actually forgot what tense feeling it is. Oikawa couldn’t go far, it was difficult… and probably impossible right now. But he wanted to see Iwaizumi this way… this face he kept dreaming about. Tears were running down Oikawa’s face nonstop… he tried to breathe in, but couldn’t… he couldn’t move… he couldn’t do anything… Just be like this.

Slowly Iwaizumi opened his eyes again and gently moved his hips, thrusting a little bit deeper.

“Iwa...” Oikawa gasped and grabbed on his shoulder. Damn it… he wanted to make Iwaizumi feel good… but he can’t do anything. It hurts too much. It’s probably not even half of it. But something is missing… something…  
This torturing feeling to wake up every day, thinking about each other, but not be able to do so. Every day. Without a touch, without the talk of their lips. Oikawa can’t live like this… not after this.

“Tooru…”

Iwaizumi’s voice… softer than the waves of the silent sea.

“Am I perfect to you…?”

“No… you are the most imperfect thing in my life. So give it back… give it back, so we could be imperfect together.”

“Oh god…” Oikawa flinched again when their bodies connected a little bit deeper. But better than that their lips met. And then two years… 730 days started to fade. Oikawa took in the air. And it was easy like never before. To breathe.

Breathe that lack of him. Breathe of that absence of him. Breathe to feel better. Breathe to relieve the pain. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it comes!!! This chapter was super difficult to write. I will be honest, I even cried a little bit while writing hahaha. I don't know why, probably because I love Oikawa and Iwaizumi so much.  
> I am glad that I can finally post it!!
> 
> I also finally created a Tumblr blog just for my fanfictions, so if you want to know about every update or some news, please follow! Thank you for reading!!!
> 
> See you next time!
> 
> Next chapter: Daichi x Suga #2
> 
> Tumblr for fanfics: [vitavilifics](https://vitavilifics.tumblr.com/)  
> Main Tumblr: [vitavilichan](https://vitavilichan.tumblr.com/)


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